Month: July 2023

He Leads me by Still Waters

Today has been a busy day. My husband invited some people over for supper and I have spent the last two days preparing for that. Not that I’m doing some fancy dinner party, but more that I have been having to clean an entire summer’s worth of clutter and mess. I haven’t had any guests inside my house in a couple months and it shows. We only have AC in the bedrooms so our house isn’t the best place to entertain in the summer, and fortunately it’s been a cool summer so I’ve been able to do get-togethers out on my back deck without being miserable. Also, my kids adopted the living room as their playroom this summer and I’ve got a lego city set up on the coffee table and have had various block houses with all kinds of interesting characters scattered all over the living room floor. We have several different building sets and they’ve all been used and then not put away properly. Then one of my teen boys gave his younger siblings his lego collection that he doesn’t use any more and it has been a lego bonanza all over the downstairs. (Which doesn’t really make sense. The kids have AC in their bedrooms, why don’t they want to play with their toys in their bedrooms?)

All that to say, cleaning up was a project. I am happy to announce that I now have all the building blocks sorted into their own containers, legos are put away (except for the city on the coffee table), random bits and pieces have been sent upstairs to toy boxes and my house is wonderfully clean. I have been snapping left and right as my whole family tries to undo all the work. That doesn’t go there! Put it away! Don’t leave that there! Don’t eat that in the living room! Just give me one day with everything clean!!

I was standing by the kitchen sink later, peeling ten pounds of potatoes and I found myself humming the old Sunday school song, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I’ll follow him always, he leads me by still waters, I’ll follow him always. Always, Always, I’ll follow him always, Always, Always, I’ll follow him always…” And I thought about the line, He leads me by still waters, and I felt very much like that was what Jesus was doing for me right then. Leading me by still waters. My house was clean. I was preparing food for my family and friends. We had all worked hard and now I could move at a leisurely pace as I prepared a meal. It felt very peaceful. Restful. Fulfilling.

I know the last time I wrote about “He Restores My Soul” and how that happened through having a vacation that wasn’t always comfortable and relaxing. And I find it funny that “He leads me by still waters” also has nothing to do with peaceful inactivity and leisure. But rather through meaningful hard work that benefits me and a whole bunch of other people.

So often I interpret God blessing me to mean that he is going to remove me from this human experience and transport me to paradise. And instead he invites me to enter into this human experience more deeply. See the good and the beauty that is tangled up with the bad and the ugly. Find joy in experiencing all the emotions, joy and pain, instead of keeping everything sterile and safe, and deadened. Get restored by facing some challenges. Find peace by doing a job well and blessing others with the work of your hands.

I love how God does things so different from how I imagine it should go. I love looking up from peeling potatoes and realizing that Jesus is taking care of me and has unexpectedly gifted me with peace.

He leads me by still waters, I’ll follow him always.

He Restores My Soul

Our family just got back from four days at the beach. We went to Hunting Island State Park in South Carolina and got a primitive tent site. When I was making reservations I just took the only site available for four days. And then took another site that was available for two days, since our family is too big to be in one site. Well, it turned out that site 25 and site 11 are right next to each other, so our family wasn’t spread out all over the campground. Also both sites were right next to the bathhouse and right next to the very short path that led to the beach. 

I loved being in the ocean. I grew up in Haiti and the sounds and smells of the beach feel like all the good things about childhood. The water was very warm, it wasn’t crowded, there were waves for the kids to play in, but it  stayed calm enough that they could swim safely. There was a brisk wind that blew all day. And our tent and the bathhouse were literally a sixty second walk away, so it was easy to go back to our site for lunch and snacks and bathroom breaks. 

The beach was awesome. 

Tent camping was not that great. 

The beach had wind, but there was a big sand dune separating the campground from the beach and it blocked all the breeze. Early in the morning and in the evening there were swarms of no-see-ums and mosquitoes. Our site had very little shade and our canopy with mosquito netting  was just tall enough that all the sun came in on the sides and we were constantly having to move our chairs to stay in the shade. At night there was no breeze and the temperature never went lower than the 80s. And the kids and I were not able to take the time to get the sand off our feet when we went into the tent because we were hurling ourselves through the barely unzipped opening to try and escape the swarms of bugs chasing us. Which meant that by the second night, my air mattress was covered in a fine silty layer of sand that, with the help of sweat, stuck to our whole bodies. 

Fortunately, we have friends who live in the area that we were also visiting and the second night my oldest child abandoned camp and went and slept at their house, then the third night the next four oldest joined them, and the last night, we said, forget this, and we all went and slept at their house. 😀 Hurray for friends. 

I loved being on the water, but on our last day, I was able to say confidently that I did not want to live near the beach. It was great for a visit, but it was really nice to get back to the mountains of East Tennessee. 

A verse has been going through my head the last week or so from Psalm 23. “He restores my soul.” I approached this vacation feeling like this trip was going to be part of the process of God restoring my soul. 

What I expected was paradise. 

As I lay in my bed the first night, so hot I couldn’t sleep. I thought about other people having beach vacations, staying in nice air conditioned hotels. And I thought, YES! But are they building character on their vacation??? We are building character by gum! And that really was what a lot of the trip was about. Being hot and tired and irritated and having to stop being snippy and be patient instead. Trying to keep a sense of humor. Not letting things slide into a complain-fest. It was a weird mix of unbridled joy as we frolicked on the sand and then everyone tired and grumpy as we tried to feed people and clean up for bed. I failed often, but I kept trying. 

Sitting back at home now, I do feel restored. More energetic, more purposeful. I think my path to restoration was getting unplugged (no phone service at camp!) and being immersed in all the senses and all the emotions. Feeling things strongly. Good things and bad things. Getting back into my body and mind instead of staying in a constant distracted or zoned out state. 

It was good. I’m thankful. 

The Lord is my Shepherd. He knows what I need. 

Having a Bad Day? Go to Bed.

You  know, there is something powerful about going to bed and waking up the next day and starting fresh.

Yesterday, I was tired. Feeling overwhelmed. Feeling very uncertain about my ability to do anything. It’s July, and I had a big list of things I had been putting off until July. Like thinking about the next school year and buying school clothes, and shoes, and supplies. Getting ready to teach piano lessons in August. Preparing for a beach camping trip. And thinking more in depth on my own future. 

I was also feeling defeated because I continue to struggle with my blood sugar. My fasting blood sugar has come way down, (yay) but I can’t get my morning numbers down. And I’ve tried every combination I can think of. Fasting. Eating a small amount of protein early in the morning. Eating a small carb and protein. Exercising first thing. Not exercising. 

Last night I was feeling very grumpy. I hadn’t done my exercise for the day, more because I felt so exhausted I could hardly move. I had to take my teens to youth group since my driving teen is out of town. And I didn’t feel like leaving the house. And if I was going to take them to youth it made sense to just go to the park and take a long walk while I was waiting to bring them home. And while that sounded sensible and healthy, it didn’t sound fun. 

I went to the park anyway and walked 3.5 miles. And I felt better about life afterwards. And this morning I woke up feeling hopeful. A lot more energy. Better perspective. 

You know how when your computer or your phone just suddenly stop working properly and so you turn it off and then turn it back on again. I think that’s what going to bed and waking up the next day is for us. Shut down. Turn it back on. It’s working again. Who knows why. It’s magic. 🙂 

So, this is my advice. Having a bad day? Power through the best you can (Take a walk if possible!), and wait for tomorrow.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:22-23

Master of the Mundane

My husband and seventeen year old just got back from a ten day trip to Columbia. They went to serve a community there by running a VBS for the kids, a women’s night out, a men’s night out, and a weekend retreat for the youth. They were busy. During this same time, my fifteen, fourteen, twelve, and ten year old joined YWAM Knoxville for a six day outreach to some remote Appalachian communities where they ran a day camp for kids and had evening VBS in several locations. They were up early, went to bed late, and worked hard all day. I was really glad that all my family members were able to participate in these things.

In the meantime, I stayed home with my two little boys, and my oldest, and took care of the mundane things. Grocery shopping. Meals. Dishes. Feed the animals. We’ve had a flea problem with our pets so I spent several days working on de-fleaing my home. Church. Laundry. Pretty mundane stuff. We had some trips to Grandma’s house to break up the monotony which was nice, but even that we kept low-key.

I thought about writing a blog about the Power of the Mundane. How it’s an important job to have someone home tending the fires, keeping things running. How, without someone doing the mundane stuff, it wouldn’t be possible for other people to go do the adventurous and exciting stuff. How our role in the home is often unseen, but so very important. But, I didn’t write about that, because I wasn’t feeling it. I was feeling tired. Irritated. Wanting a break. And when my husband texted me on his last day in Columbia to say they were able to go to the beach, I was genuinely glad that he was getting to do something fun, but at the same time feeling hot and bothered that I had family members on the beach in Columbia, while my schedule for the day was to vacuum and sweep and mop my entire house.

Just being real here. 😏

But, I was able to get some perspective.

Someone asked me if I wished I could have gone with my husband. And I thought about it and the answer was genuinely, No. All of my family spent their entire time gone talking and interacting with new people. Making connections. Reaching out to others. As an introvert and someone who has been feeling emotionally depleted for a while now, spending a big chunk of time talking to other people does not sound good. I know that I don’t have that in me at the moment.

I think what has surprised me about this time has been the peace I have felt despite all the irritation. I know that God has good things for me too, that I don’t have to resign myself to just being a dishwasher and laundry folder for the rest of my life. There are adventures and excitement out there for me too. And they’ll come at the right time and be the right kind of adventure that suits me, my personality, and where I am at in life.

In the meantime, I will continue to do the tasks set in front of me. Be Master of the Mundane. Keep the household running, and really enjoy the fact that most of my family is home now.