Month: July 2024

God Shows up Everywhere

I have been reading a lot of books this summer. Fun books. Books about kings and kingdoms. Magic lands. Wars and governments. Friendships, romances, the ties between family members. Very enjoyable. Not what you would call scholarly. But I have found that reading these books has had real spiritual value for me. As I find my heart responding to different aspects of the book, I have asked myself, what inherent truth is coming through that calls to me. What longings are these books stirring up? Why do I wish that I was this character, living out this story arc? 

My worldview is that God created all things, and that we are created in his image. There is nowhere you can go in nature and in dealing with humans, where God is not going to be revealed in some form or another. And as I’ve read through these books whose authors may or may not be knowledgeable about God and the Bible, whether it was the author’s intent or not, God shines through, if you’re looking for him. 

As I read about nobility, and loyalty, sacrifice, deep frienships, I find a yearning inside of me. I want that. I want my life to have some great meaning. I want to swear loyalty and fight for my King. I want to feel protected and sheltered because I have a ruler who is strong and cares for his people. I want to set off on great epic adventures rescuing the downtrodden, retrieving the lost. I want my life to be rich in color, deep in meaning, full of people whom I love and who love me. 

And I think this is what God created me to do. To live a life of deep meaning. Where I learn to rest and trust in his Lordship. In his Fatherhood. In his love. Where I learn to relate to the people around me in honest, candidness, learn to trust and be someone who is trustworthy. Where I open my eyes and see the needs of the world around me and engage in battling for a solution. Where I see the people who can’t fight for themselves and decide that I can be the person who fights for them. 

I read books and they make me want to be more. Have more. Experience more. 

Read a book. But don’t just stop with the simple enjoyment of the story. Ask yourself questions! Why did I like this book? Why do I like that character so much? What inner longings and yearnings does this book touch on? How does God’s nature show up in this book? Where is the goodness? What does this teach me about myself and my tendencies towards good or evil? 

God shows up everywhere, you just have to be looking. 

Friendship?

I’ve been reading a book that has really got me thinking. The book is “The Hands of the Emperor” by Victoria Goddard. I’m not going to recommend the book. The author’s view on sexuality does not line up with the Biblical standard and she did not have very good editing, but despite all that the book gripped me. I didn’t want to put it down. 

I have learned to start being curious about things that grip me, so I made myself stop reading and ask the question, what emptiness in myself is being filled? And I realized the reason I was so enthralled was because it deals with a friendship of nonequals. The friendship between the emperor and his secretary, actually, his right-hand man. 

Lately I have really been puzzling over the fact that Jesus calls us friends. 

No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you. John 15:15

Different praise and worship songs have latched onto this idea and I find myself singing about being a friend of God in church and it really makes me pause. How is it possible to be friends with God? He is God. I am human. Creator, created. Master, servant. 

In the book, the author focuses on the fact that the emperor does not want to be emperor. He wants to be just a simple man like everyone else. And in the end of the book series, the two  friends have achieved a type of equality. But that is not how God works. He is God. The book of Revelation describes the elders casting their crowns before the throne and worshipping God in all his splendor. Worship is obviously a part of our relationship with God. 

John 13:13 says, 

You call me ‘Teacher’ and ‘Lord,’ and rightly so, for that is what I am. 

But Jesus says this right after he has washed his disciples feet. And then calls on them to follow his example of being a servant. 

We have this word, “condescend” which we usually use in a negative way. When someone is being condescending it means they are looking down on us. But the real meaning is “to willingly lower oneself to another’s level”. And that is what Jesus does. He condescends to call us friend. 

In the book the secretary is an amazing character. Heroic. He’s mind-bogglingly efficient and able to change the world with his work. And I found myself thinking, well, yes, maybe God could be friends with people who are amazing, like Moses, and David. But me? While I am content with who I am and the role I play in this world, I also know that my role is confined to my family and community. I am not a world-stage player. I don’t want to be. 

The New Testament has different kinds of analogies for the church. The body, vessels. All implying that we have our own role to play, and some roles are big and obvious and some are small and unnoticeable, but we all work together for one purpose. 

I was thinking about myself as a vessel. Something God created for a purpose. I understand a lot of my purpose. Be a good wife, raise my family, try to be someone who lifts up and encourages whoever I am in community with. Draw near to God…And be Jesus’ friend? It feels presumptuous. Encroaching. Not humble. I find myself pulling back from the idea. 

I don’t think I have settled this completely in my mind, but I’ll tell you where I have ended up for now. God created me. He knows me completely. A lot better than I know myself. I love God. I want to be with him. He is truly what I live for. I don’t know all the reasons he created me. I don’t know all the purposes he has for me. I just know that I want all of it. I want every gift and talent he’s given me to be used. I want every opportunity he puts in my path to be taken advantage of. I want every relationship he’s opened up for me to happen. I want it all. And if “friendship with God” is on the list of things he has purposed for me, then I want it. My hands are open, ready to receive. And I’m excited to see what happens. 

The Gospel PLUS

One of my pastors made a comment that if some act that you were doing caused you to feel more righteous than someone else, then you were adding on to the Gospel. The Gospel PLUS. The Bible tells us that Jesus’ death on the cross completely covered the debt we owed for our sins. We come to Jesus in faith, repent of our sins, and he forgives us. We then walk out our lives learning how to listen and obey him and through that process he changes us to become more like him. But it’s not our obedience and our listening that saves us. It’s Jesus’ work on the cross, a free gift to us. 

That is a hard concept. We like to feel like we are earning our way. Let me work for that. Surely, I need to be doing something to deserve this. And then we take concepts like prayer and Bible reading, and service and we turn them into laws. Things we must do to earn grace. If I don’t get up every morning and read my Bible and pray for an hour, then I’m not really saved. If I don’t fast once a week then I’m not really holy. If I don’t take one day a week and spend the entire day devoted to church and rest then I’m not really following after God. 

All of these things, Bible reading, prayer, fasting, sabbath rest, all of these things are gifts that God has given us to enable us to learn more about him, to enter into his presence, to come alongside him in his work here on the earth, to keep our bodies and minds healthy and whole. They are gifts that we have been given, and the more we use them, the more blessed we are. But doing these things does not save us. Jesus’ work on the cross is what saves us. 

I think back to things that I have done that were good and healthy and blessed our family, but I know that deep down I did feel “more righteous” than others because I did them. Things like homeschooling, or eating super healthy, daily family devotions. All good things. All things that I’m glad that we did. But, I wish my heart attitude had been different. I wish that I had known to hold these practices lightly, to not feel the stress of HAVING to do these things in order to be righteous. But instead to just rejoice that God made these things possible for our family as a blessing to us. 

RIght now I find myself struggling a bit. I am not actively involved in any kind of ministry. My children are. And I help them get to and from the places they need to be. But I myself am not doing anything. And I remind myself that my family is my first priority. My main ministry. But I feel guilty for not doing more. And that is definitely coming from a Gospel PLUS mentality. If I’m not actively serving somewhere then I’m not earning my way. 

In the past, I have never actively sought out ministry. A need has simply arrived on my doorstep, so to speak, and I have responded to that need. And I keep waiting for something to be brought to my attention that I can help with and nothing has shown up. And deep in my heart, I’m thankful that nothing has shown up, because this has been an emotionally difficult summer as I’ve watched my kids scatter all over the place, pursuing their dreams, growing up, leaving the nest, and I’ve had to fight the duel feelings of overwhelming pride that they have grown up so well and have so much to offer the world, and deep sorrow that they are no longer little and no longer apart of my daily interactions. 

And so I have to learn how to trust that God does not need all my works in order to deem me acceptable to him. Jesus already took care of that. I am saved. I’m adopted in. I am loved. And I’m available. He will use me as he sees fit, and I can relax and wait on his timing. Keep doing the things that are set in front of me. Wash the dishes, fold the laundry, feed the family. Love on my babies that are still here. And just rest in the Gospel.