Month: March 2025

New Glasses For This Daughter

I went and bought glasses yesterday. Paid for an eye exam first, then took my prescription over to Sam’s Club and picked out some glasses and paid for them. It was a lot of money. It felt a little overwhelming to be handing over that much money in one transaction. And I found myself muttering to the universe-at-large an apology for costing so much money. Which then drew me up short. Why was I feeling the need to apologize for buying myself glasses? 

I have started reading a new devotional book by my pastor, Mark Medley, called The Trinity Trilogy. It’s a daily devotional, going through the persons of the Trinity. I’m on day nine and it has been a really good experience. I find myself looking forward to my devotional time. I think the reason for that is, first, we read a good chunk of scripture, not just a random verse, but also because he asks some pretty hard heart questions every day to think about. The first section of the book is on the Father. Day three focuses on having an orphan heart versus being a true son and daughter. 

As I thought about my guilt over buying glasses, this theme about orphan hearts came to mind. I definitely struggle in this area. I was thinking about how, if I had to spend this glasses money on someone I didn’t know well, I could see myself feeling a little resentful that so much of our family resources were not going to the family. But, if I was buying this for my children, I would just be relieved that I had the money to spend and that my child now had what they needed. Their happiness would be my happiness, because I always want them to have everything they need. 

As a mom of many who has lived on a tight budget for a long time, it’s hard to remember that my famly feels the same way about me. If I have what I need, they are happy too. And it’s an even bigger stretch to realize that God feels that way about me too. 

I am very accustomed to being the parent. The one who’s job it is to make sacrifices so the kids can have what they need. It’s hard to remember that I am God’s daughter. And he actually wants me to have everything I need too. And it makes him happy when my needs are met as well. (That last sentence was hard to write!)

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-11

I’ll admit, I have never had a problem talking to Jesus. And my church has done a great job in helping me understand and enjoy the role of the Holy Spirit in my life, but knowing God as Father feels like the last hurdle. And oddly, I feel like this last year he has been slowly revealing himself to me as Father through taking care of my needs. Needs that I can’t live without, like food and shelter, but also the needs of my heart to have community, to be able to participate in music again, to find places where I can have deep discussions and exercise my brain. I keep getting surprised at how gracious he is being to me, and thankful, and a little uncertain as to what to do with all this goodness. 

My glasses are supposed to be ready in a week or so. I can’t wait to have unscratched lenses and a new prescription that won’t have me squinting at things. I told my husband how much I had spent on glasses and he frowned, then said, I should probably go buy one more pair as a back up. And it made me smile and feel loved and taken care of. Just like my Father wants me to feel. 

By the way, I highly recommend The Trinity Trilogy by Mark Medley. Just google it, there’s several places you can buy it. 

Theater of the Absurd

When I was a senior in high school I was in Mr. Koon’s honors English class at Bethel Regional High School, in Bethel, Alaska. It was a top-notch class. I have not seen any of my children have to do the amount of work that we did in that class in their own high school and even community college English classes. For our final project we chose an author and did an in-depth study of them and their works. I think in the end, I wrote close to 30 pages total on my author. I chose Eugene Ionesco, a playwright who was part of the Theater of the Absurd, and explored the ideas of existentialism. 

I focused on his play “Rhinoceros”. This play takes place in France and was a commentary on the rise of fascism before and during World War 2. In the play, which takes place in a small French town, the people of the town start turning into rhinos. At first there is some alarm and the townspeople turn to a logician to get explanations of what is happening. But as more and more people turn into rhinos, (including the logician) the townspeople start viewing it as a good thing, and they too, quickly turn into rhinos. At the end, the main character, the last person, finds himself oddly attracted to the rhinos, but stubbornly determined to continue fighting against them. 

The theater of the absurd focuses on the idea that life is absurd and thus meaningless and you have to create your own meaning in life. This falls in line with the idea that there is no absolute truth and everyone has to create “their own truth”. (That might be true for you, but it isn’t true for me!)

I would say that the time period that we are living in now is a manifestation of these ideas. Have you noticed that truth no longer exists in our public spaces? Let’s look at a concrete example. Trump’s meeting with Zelensky. It was televised so all the world could see it. Now, look at the commentary on this meeting. People and news agencies and commentators who support Trump explained what this meeting meant and why it went the way that it did. People and news agencies and commentators who do not support Trump also explained what this meeting meant and why it went the way it did. And I can tell you that those two sets of commentary are polar opposite. Like one person saying the sun is shining and the other person saying, no that is the moon. 

We are living in a time when “truth” has become so obscure, we no longer believe it exists. Everything is up for interpretation. And I believe that this mindset feeds into the idea that life is meaningless. 

As a person who has decided to not participate in either side of the political spectrum, I am finding my daily wade into social media and the news an exercise in absurdity and frustration, almost like watching my fellow citizens turn into rhinos right in front of my eyes. And in the end, it feels like truth doesn’t exist, there is no way to know who is right and wrong, so I just need to find my own things to focus on. Ie. I should just go create my own meaning for life, invent my own truth. 

I believe it is absolutely imperative in these times that we hold fast to that which we know is true. 

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

What did Jesus teach? Love God, love your neighbors. When Jesus was on earth, his followers wanted to crown him and turn his mission into a political one. Jesus refused. He was establishing a different kind of kingdom. One that starts in people’s hearts and then naturally affects the world around them as they start living out what Jesus taught. Jesus said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33. 

We are so worried about the state of our country. And the solutions that are offered to us are so polar opposite to each other, they negate each other. What do we do about it? Seek after God, do his will. Pray for wisdom. I encourage everyone to run all the “truths” that come your way through this filter. Does this fall in line with loving God? Does this fall in line with loving my neighbor? 

Life is not meaningless. Absolute truth exists. Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me. As the concept of truth continues to disintegrate around us, I cling to this.