Month: May 2026

What if?

My brain is an interesting place. Generally, I am quite content with the brain I have, the thoughts I enjoy, the random places it takes me. But my brain can also tie me up in knots. It will suddenly decide that certain chores and jobs are impossible, insurmountable tasks. Laundry? Who cares that we have faithfully folded the laundry once a week for the past several years. Now, today, it is impossible. Folding clothes is equivalent to climbing Mt Everest. Not happening. This happenes with other things too, like making an important phone call, going to the post office to buy stamps, filling out that important paperwork. It always feels random. It always seems to come out of nowhere. But suddenly there is a task that needs to be done and it feels impossible. 

Over the years I’ve learned to trick my brain. I can’t clean my room. Ok, but we’re just going to put three things away. That’s all. We are definitely not cleaning the room, just putting away three things. And then, once three things are put away, maybe we’ll just put away one more… ok maybe we can do one more thing… and then, something tips, and cleaning the room suddenly doesn’t feel impossible and it’s actually something we want to get done, right now. 

Or maybe I’ll start singing the “Just keep swimming” song from Dory, and make myself move, and once I start moving, the momentum gets going and I’m able to side step the road block and get the task done. 

There’s other tricks I have to do. I can’t remember anything so I have to leave big visual cues. Need to pay a bill? Put the bill on my pillow so I will see it. Need to take those grocery bags with me to the store? Set them in front of the door so I have to either trip on them or move them. (Though even then, I may  be so distracted that I will just move the grocery bags out the way, continue out the door, and get to the store and wish I had those grocery bags that I conveniently left by the front door.) 

It’s my brain. It’s how it works. That’s fine. 

There are other parts of my brain that I am not at peace with. One is my brain’s tendency to fall into deep depression and then start coloring all my thoughts gray and black. No positivity going on here. As I have been grimly dragging myself out of the latest pit of despair I have employed a new trick. I’m calling it “What if..” Every time a negative thought has reared its head, I’ve been countering it with, “What if..” What if I am not a failure? What if people actually like you? What if no one cares that you made a mistake? What if you are actually beautiful? What if you are going to succeed in this task? What if you are loved? What if you are accepted? 

RIght now I can’t handle blunt positive affirmations. But, the gentler, more roundabout approach, seems to be working. Oh, wait, what if there is a different way of seeing this? What if your first gut response is actually wrong? What if you are not going to be stuck in this place forever and there is joy waiting, just a couple steps away? 

This morning I feel hopeful. Joyful. And the thought is there, What if this is reality, and those dark gray moments are the lie? 

Adults can still Celebrate, Right?

My piano students just played in their final recital of the school year. All of my choir duties are finished at school. I got to help the kids with their school musical as well, and that is done and over with. The school year is just about wrapped up, musically. A couple graduations and chapels to play at then moving on to summer music. 

It has been a really great music year. 

I was thinking about my piano students today. How proud I am of them, and how happy they were to show their family and loved ones what they’ve accomplished. I love how kids are unbashful to show off what they’ve achieved. Look what I did! And all the adults in their lives are equally happy to delight in those deeds. Great job! You were awesome! That was amazing! Because they did do a great job and it was amazing and they are awesome. 

When we get older we learn this thing called modesty. Lets not draw attention to how great we are, that would be boasting. We shouldn’t brag. Let somebody else praise us. And all this is true. We don’t like to hear adults talk about all their accomplishments. We don’t like people who brag. Boasting is not attractive. 

But, somewhere in there, I think we might have lost our ability to just celebrate every-day accomplishments. We know how to celebrate the big, giant deeds, but the smaller ones tend to get ignored. 

Today, as I had my last day of lessons with my kids and helped them get ready for their recital, I felt like a little kid, looking for a grownup that I could just tug on their sleeve and say, LOOK WHAT I DID! ISN’T THIS AMAZING! Somehow I managed to communicate well enough that these kids were able to take all their talent and potential, add in a bunch of their own hard work and all grow musically. Noticeable growth. WOW!! I worked hard, they worked hard, and together we did something amazing! 

I’m pretty excited about this past year teaching choir at my kids school too. I got thrown in the deep end and I didn’t drown. I had a crash course in teaching kids’ choirs and I learned a lot. I don’t know if we are making serious progress yet, but I know that all those kids know at least a little more about music than they did at the beginning of the school year. And I am really excited about next year and figuring out how I can become better at the job. 

Not big giant accomplishments. But, something worth celebrating. 

I know you all have things worth celebrating too, and maybe you’re too modest to bring it up. 

I’ll see if I can hit on some of them.

All you parents of school age children out there, guess what! You did it!! You’ve just about got your kids through another school year! You’ve got them to school every day, you’ve fed them, you’ve clothed them, you’ve made sure they did their homework. YOU ARE AMAZING!!! GOOD JOB!!

All you teachers out there.. YOU DID IT!!! YOU’VE JUST ABOUT MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER SCHOOL YEAR!!! You are amazing. Miracle workers. And all you school administrators, Wow, I am in awe of what you have accomplished this year.

My brain is focused on school related peoples, but hey, all you adults out there. Adulting every day. Wow. Once again, you have pulled yourself out of bed, paid the bills, done the responsible thing yet again. Way to go! 

I’m proud of you all. Good job.