Free House

Our elderly neighbor has not been living in her house for the past five years. During that time we have offered to help her sell her house. We’ve offered to help her clean out her house so she can do something with it. We’ve offered to rent her house. She was not interested in any of those offers and would always say, I’m just going to give you my house. Which seemed drastic, but also just seemed like something she liked to say. In the meantime, we mowed her yard and Andy was always the one she called when she had any issues with the outside of her property. Then last week, out of the blue, our elderly neighbor went to her lawyer and signed her house over to my husband. Free gift. 

Now, we have never been in our neighbor’s house. We have lived next door for seventeen years and have been very curious, but our friendship and interactions always happened outside in the yard, never in a house. So, when Andy came home with the keys, we all trooped over to satisfy our curiosity. And then we discovered why the house has been empty for five years and why there was so much reluctance to do anything with it. 

It is a hoarder house. We had to push things out of the way to open the door, and we were walking on trash about four feet deep throughout the entire house. The house was built in 1920 and has never been updated. The house has good bones and is worth fixing, but everything needs to be fixed. 

The trash is overwhelming and Andy and I feel an urgency to get it cleaned out. After that, I’m not sure what the next step will be. On Saturday Andy went and cleaned out half a bedroom. He filled his trailer in only a couple hours. On Sunday, he started pulling all the scrap metal out of the basement and so far has made two large piles of metal by the alley which have been picked up by metal scrappers who drive by regularly. This evening I went over and helped him. We worked maybe an hour and half and filled up the trailer with trash again. He got one bedroom mostly cleaned out and I made it halfway down the hallway. My goal is to make a path to the front door so we can start using the front door. Right now we’re having to come up from the walk-out basement. 

It’s definitely an interesting project. Also gross. By some minor miracle there are no obvious signs of mice and roaches and bugs. I imagine the fact that the house has been closed up for five years contributed to this. I can tell you that if it was full of roaches, I would not be helping my husband. As it was, I still had to take breathing breaks and stand by the open window. The bottom layer of the hallway had mail and newspaper from 2002, and I presume that this stuff has been sitting there that long. 

I’ve decided to write about this whole process because I think posting pictures of our progress will be encouraging and motivating for us. I’ve also got lots of thoughts about our society and what has to go wrong for people to end up in these living situations. I’ll write more and try to let this blog be a place where we can watch chaos turn into order. 

Back Bedroom already half cleaned out.
There’s the floor!
Goal: make a path down the hallway.
Halfway there!
Second trailer full ready to go to the dump.

O Taste and See

Today is one of those days when all the colors are brighter. The grass is greener, the sky is more blue, the wind seems sweeter. Everything is beautiful. 

I had to take my son to a doctor’s appointment first thing this morning. Then I had to come up with a menu and go grocery shopping. And then unload the car. And put everything away. And make sure everyone had food to eat. And chores got done. And had to order a new latch for the lid of my washing machine so it would start working again. And on and on, etc, etc. But, in between all the mundane tasks, I keep looking up and seeing trees covered in rustling green clothes, swaying in the wind. The bird singing extra loud. The clouds exceptionally white and fluffy. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

One of my boys went on a playdate this afternoon and the other one was feeling lonely so he asked if we could walk down to the park close to our house. I said sure and packed a little bag with a water bottle and a book to read, thinking I’d sit back and enjoy that while he played on the playground. But when we got there he was the only child there and it was obvious he wanted my attention. So I put the book away and made an effort to be present with him. We quickly abandoned the playground and went and walked around the man-made pond in the center of the park. There were geese and ducks and we spent a lot of time watching them and meandering around the pond. The park is not fancy, and the pond’s water is a bit scary, not something you would want to fall into. But, today the park was beautiful. And I cherished the time with my son. 

Days like today are gifts. Days where you can see. You can see how breath-taking this world is that we live in. You can see how precious the people around you are. You can see what a miracle and blessing our everyday lives are. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

There are so many worries and stresses in our lives. It is overwhelming. Tomorrow I will go back to worrying about all the minutiae of my life, the burdens my city bears, the fears and tragedies of the nations. Those haven’t gone away. And there is a time and a place to throw everything we have at those problems facing our world.  But right now, I just want to stay in this moment, where the world is a masterpiece, my children are the most wondrous of jewels, and I know that God is here, I can feel his presence in the breeze blowing across my face. And it’s that joy and peace that I need, so I can take them into tomorrow where all the troubles wait for me, and I can face them from a place of goodness. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

Where is the American Church?

My daughter is an Americorp volunteer. She just received news today that her program is shut down. Effective immediately. This week I heard that the CASA/GAL program is losing their funding. These are programs that help children in foster care who have suffered abuse or neglect. Another news item said that the suicide hotline for LGBTQ youth will be shut down. Federal funding that sent food to local food banks has disappeared. Programs that help poor people pay for housing and help the homeless get housing have had their funds reduced. 

This is all part of Making America Great Again. 

I read an article this past summer where some Christian Nationalist groups were interviewed and one man said it was not the business of the government to be doing charitable work, it was the work of the church, and if Trump got in power things would be fixed. 

So, if the government is not supposed to be involved in helping the poor, the needy, the sick, the homeless, and certainly not the strangers and aliens in our country, then, where is the American church? 

I’m not talking about the churches who are already working with the poor and the needy and the sick and the homeless. They’re already doing their job and are maxed out to what they can do. Where is the rest of the American church? All of these government funding cuts are affecting real people in real time. Right now there are people suffering hardship because of these funding cuts. So, what’s the plan? Who’s going to take over caring for these needs? 

The Bible is pretty radical in what it says about helping others in need. Here’s a tiny tiny sample: 

Luke 3:11  “John answered, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.”


Proverbs 31:8-9 “Open your mouth for the voiceless, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” 

Mathew 25:37-40 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Jesus desires humilty, grace, love, compassion. His followers seek the good of their neigbhors. We change the world by loving one person at a time. 

Where is the promised revolution where the American church will take care of charity so the government can turn its focus to whatever it’s thinking is more important? 

I am not worried about my daughter losing her funding for the work that she is doing. She is determined to serve and she will find a way to do so. But people like my daughter are kind of rare. And they can’t take care of everyone. I am waiting to hear about the flood of sermons preached in the Maga churches where the pastors will exhort their congregation to go out and get their hands dirty and help the needy in their immediate communities. Hey, guess what, the local food pantry is no longer being funded, let’s step up and fund them as a church. Hey, the program that helps homeless people achieve stability and housing just lost their funding. Send around the offering plate, let’s fund it. Hey, the foster care system is overflowing and they need foster parents, and lawyers, and volunteer workers, and open homes, and counselors, and doctors, and teachers and a whole other giant list of things, let’s make it happen. 

If I see the American church doing this on a large scale, and if this becomes our definition of Making America Great, then maybe there will be hope for us. 

And I pray, Lord have Mercy on Me, I have not done enough to help those in need. Lord have mercy on the American church, let us step up and obey your word. Lord have mercy on the downtrodden, the desperate, the needy. Change our hearts, soften our hearts, give us your compassion and love for those around us. Give us your eyes to see the value and beauty in the homeless person we drive by on our way to work. Break through our pride and apathy. Help us to lift our eyes up from our entertainment and see the suffering world around us. Give us vision and strategy to help our communities. Lord have mercy.

New Glasses For This Daughter

I went and bought glasses yesterday. Paid for an eye exam first, then took my prescription over to Sam’s Club and picked out some glasses and paid for them. It was a lot of money. It felt a little overwhelming to be handing over that much money in one transaction. And I found myself muttering to the universe-at-large an apology for costing so much money. Which then drew me up short. Why was I feeling the need to apologize for buying myself glasses? 

I have started reading a new devotional book by my pastor, Mark Medley, called The Trinity Trilogy. It’s a daily devotional, going through the persons of the Trinity. I’m on day nine and it has been a really good experience. I find myself looking forward to my devotional time. I think the reason for that is, first, we read a good chunk of scripture, not just a random verse, but also because he asks some pretty hard heart questions every day to think about. The first section of the book is on the Father. Day three focuses on having an orphan heart versus being a true son and daughter. 

As I thought about my guilt over buying glasses, this theme about orphan hearts came to mind. I definitely struggle in this area. I was thinking about how, if I had to spend this glasses money on someone I didn’t know well, I could see myself feeling a little resentful that so much of our family resources were not going to the family. But, if I was buying this for my children, I would just be relieved that I had the money to spend and that my child now had what they needed. Their happiness would be my happiness, because I always want them to have everything they need. 

As a mom of many who has lived on a tight budget for a long time, it’s hard to remember that my famly feels the same way about me. If I have what I need, they are happy too. And it’s an even bigger stretch to realize that God feels that way about me too. 

I am very accustomed to being the parent. The one who’s job it is to make sacrifices so the kids can have what they need. It’s hard to remember that I am God’s daughter. And he actually wants me to have everything I need too. And it makes him happy when my needs are met as well. (That last sentence was hard to write!)

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him! Matthew 7:9-11

I’ll admit, I have never had a problem talking to Jesus. And my church has done a great job in helping me understand and enjoy the role of the Holy Spirit in my life, but knowing God as Father feels like the last hurdle. And oddly, I feel like this last year he has been slowly revealing himself to me as Father through taking care of my needs. Needs that I can’t live without, like food and shelter, but also the needs of my heart to have community, to be able to participate in music again, to find places where I can have deep discussions and exercise my brain. I keep getting surprised at how gracious he is being to me, and thankful, and a little uncertain as to what to do with all this goodness. 

My glasses are supposed to be ready in a week or so. I can’t wait to have unscratched lenses and a new prescription that won’t have me squinting at things. I told my husband how much I had spent on glasses and he frowned, then said, I should probably go buy one more pair as a back up. And it made me smile and feel loved and taken care of. Just like my Father wants me to feel. 

By the way, I highly recommend The Trinity Trilogy by Mark Medley. Just google it, there’s several places you can buy it. 

Theater of the Absurd

When I was a senior in high school I was in Mr. Koon’s honors English class at Bethel Regional High School, in Bethel, Alaska. It was a top-notch class. I have not seen any of my children have to do the amount of work that we did in that class in their own high school and even community college English classes. For our final project we chose an author and did an in-depth study of them and their works. I think in the end, I wrote close to 30 pages total on my author. I chose Eugene Ionesco, a playwright who was part of the Theater of the Absurd, and explored the ideas of existentialism. 

I focused on his play “Rhinoceros”. This play takes place in France and was a commentary on the rise of fascism before and during World War 2. In the play, which takes place in a small French town, the people of the town start turning into rhinos. At first there is some alarm and the townspeople turn to a logician to get explanations of what is happening. But as more and more people turn into rhinos, (including the logician) the townspeople start viewing it as a good thing, and they too, quickly turn into rhinos. At the end, the main character, the last person, finds himself oddly attracted to the rhinos, but stubbornly determined to continue fighting against them. 

The theater of the absurd focuses on the idea that life is absurd and thus meaningless and you have to create your own meaning in life. This falls in line with the idea that there is no absolute truth and everyone has to create “their own truth”. (That might be true for you, but it isn’t true for me!)

I would say that the time period that we are living in now is a manifestation of these ideas. Have you noticed that truth no longer exists in our public spaces? Let’s look at a concrete example. Trump’s meeting with Zelensky. It was televised so all the world could see it. Now, look at the commentary on this meeting. People and news agencies and commentators who support Trump explained what this meeting meant and why it went the way that it did. People and news agencies and commentators who do not support Trump also explained what this meeting meant and why it went the way it did. And I can tell you that those two sets of commentary are polar opposite. Like one person saying the sun is shining and the other person saying, no that is the moon. 

We are living in a time when “truth” has become so obscure, we no longer believe it exists. Everything is up for interpretation. And I believe that this mindset feeds into the idea that life is meaningless. 

As a person who has decided to not participate in either side of the political spectrum, I am finding my daily wade into social media and the news an exercise in absurdity and frustration, almost like watching my fellow citizens turn into rhinos right in front of my eyes. And in the end, it feels like truth doesn’t exist, there is no way to know who is right and wrong, so I just need to find my own things to focus on. Ie. I should just go create my own meaning for life, invent my own truth. 

I believe it is absolutely imperative in these times that we hold fast to that which we know is true. 

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

What did Jesus teach? Love God, love your neighbors. When Jesus was on earth, his followers wanted to crown him and turn his mission into a political one. Jesus refused. He was establishing a different kind of kingdom. One that starts in people’s hearts and then naturally affects the world around them as they start living out what Jesus taught. Jesus said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33. 

We are so worried about the state of our country. And the solutions that are offered to us are so polar opposite to each other, they negate each other. What do we do about it? Seek after God, do his will. Pray for wisdom. I encourage everyone to run all the “truths” that come your way through this filter. Does this fall in line with loving God? Does this fall in line with loving my neighbor? 

Life is not meaningless. Absolute truth exists. Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me. As the concept of truth continues to disintegrate around us, I cling to this. 

What do we do when we emphatically disagree?

Over the last weeks as a new administration has taken over the government, I have been struggling to write. 

In a country where half the population wanted our current President and half the population did not, it’s really difficult to find a middle line that is not offensive to someone. And as I see the lack of unity, the extreme division in all areas of our society, I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 

As a Christian it is even more imperative that I do not sow division. Jesus does not categorize us into all the boxes that we like so much, Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, Nondenominational. To him, we are simply his church, his bride. All the denominations. All the flavors. When I am upset at people in the church holding onto political stances that I strongly disagree with, I think of Romans 14:4:

Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

So, what do we do when we emphatically disagree with the people around us? 

I know that I have had to give myself some time to cool down. And social media does not help with that. I’ve had to go through and snooze some people on my Facebook feed. Not because I don’t like them or that I’m opposed to seeing things from a perspective that I don’t agree with, but because I have not been in an emotional headspace to handle a different perspective. 

It’s hard to be calm and be at peace with others when your emotions are riled up. 

And maybe that’s what we all need right now. Everybody step back and take a deep breath. 

I’m also having to take time to put faces and stories to the opposite perspective. Instead of making blanket statements like, if you all disagree with this then you must be a bunch of idiots, maybe stop and think. Hmm. My friend Betty supports this other idea. She supports it because she is worried about x,y, and z, and the people that she trusts have told her that this is the answer to those problems that she is worried about. 

The next step is being able to have conversations with people who think differently. Calm conversations. Conversations where both sides show respect to each other and don’t belittle each other’s comments. 

I had a rather charged conversation with my son, who happens to think differently than me, and it got a bit too emotional. But we were able to stop. Reaffirm our respect for each other and our willingness to listen, and were able to proceed to have a good conversation where I was able to see his perspective and maybe he saw some of mine. 

It is hard to not see the political state of our country as the “main thing”. Surely this is the “main thing” I should be thinking about, studying about, worrying about, talking about. It does, after all, feel like a historical event, as things progress in ways they never have before. With half celebrating and half mourning. It’s really hard to not make this the “main thing”. 

But, if you are a follower of Jesus, it is not the main thing. Jesus was asked, what is the most important commandment,

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’Matthew 22:37-39

I am challenging myself and anyone reading this to really focus on keeping this the main thing. Think about the words you say when you talk about politics. Are they in line with loving God with all your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself?  Perhaps there is righteous anger rushing through your veins. Perhaps you feel that other people’s political stances are causing them to walk away from the teachings of Jesus. It is possible to chastise someone without disrespecting them. It is possible to remind others that we are called to love all people, and it’s possible to do it in a way that instead of feeling stung and guilty, they feel convicted and moved to change. In order to do that, we usually have to remove our own anger first and be motivated by love, not vindictiveness. 

So, that’s what I’m working on these days.

Sell Me Some Hope

Sell me some hope
I’m in despair. 
Life isn’t how I want it.
Take all my cares
I’ll give you my money,
You give me a lie.
As long as I feel better.


A diet that will change my life? 
Charge it up, I’ll pay the price.
Sell me some hope
I’m in despair. 
Life isn’t how I want it.
Take all my cares.
I’ll give you my money,
You give me a lie.
As long as I feel better.

I’ve got problems with my kids,
They’re not happy and fulfilled.
Obviously the fault of the local public school.
We’ll change that!
Charter school, homeschool, Private school tuition!
Sell me some hope
I’m in despair.
Life isn’t how I want it.
Take all my cares.
I’ll give you my money,
You give me a lie.
As long as I feel better. 

There’s some trouble in my neighborhood.
People moving in. Don’t look like us,
We have no room for them.
Government, don’t you care? 
Send those people on out of here!
Sell me some hope
I’m in despair.
Life isn’t how I want it.
Take all my cares.
I’ll give you money,
You give me a lie,
As long as I feel better.

There’s a crisis with my government,
I don’t like the way those leaders talk and think
We need some change around here.
Political parties, what are you selling? 
We’re ready to buy.
Sell us some hope
We’re in despair.
Life isn’t how we want it.
Take all our cares.
We’ll give you power,
You give us a lie,
As long as we feel better.

God Actually Loves Your Enemy

Yesterday I was reading the book “Chosen A Study of Esther” by Donna Snow and I have to admit, the author managed to really surprise me. We had just covered the section in Esther where Haman, the guy who is determined to commit genocide against the Jews, gets caught out and is about to receive just punishment. Then Ms Snow had us look up verses like Ezekiel 33:11

Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, people of Israel?’

And 2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

And Luke 15:7

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

I can tell you honestly, that in all my years of reading the book of Esther, I have never stopped to think about God’s view of the wicked. His desire that the wicked would turn away from their evil and come to him. His longing for them to come to repentance. I think I’ve always just lived in that simplistic place where I presume someone is bad, deserving of punishment, and I just need to wait for God to hit the “smite” button. 

If you think too hard about it, then you might remember that verse in Romans 3:23,

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. 

And then realize that there is no difference between me and the most sinful person on earth. We are both deserving of punishment. And then at the same time remember that other verse, 

For God so loved the world [all people] that he gave his son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

There’s been a lot going on in our country this month. We got a new president. He’s already done a lot of things that have people very divided in thought. Illegal immigrants  are a hot topic right now. Deportations. Who’s getting deported, who isn’t.  Why isn’t there a path to citizenship? Why should there be? Who deserves deportation and who doesn’t. And as usual, whenever something is controversial, people start posting memes and blanket statements and everyone gets riled up. 

As a Christian, I have a challenge. For those who profess Jesus as their Lord, I would challenge you to think about your words before posting or making public statements. I would challenge us to step back and remember that every single illegal immigrant in this country has a name, a story, and they have the eyes of God on them. And those eyes are full of love and compassion. 

I would say that when we speak harshly, rudely, disparagingly of any people, any demographic, anybody, we are not reflecting Jesus’ love and his heart for people. God is a God of mercy, he longs for each person in this world to turn to him and accept his love. Let’s not let our words and actions be a stumbling block that keep people away from God. 

Whether you think Trump is the devil or Jesus incarnate, if you profess to follow Jesus then people are watching you and your actions draw people to God or push them away. Jesus loves every single person on this earth, and he is merciful. Our words should always reflect this. Disparaging comments, disrespect, mocking, gloating, none of these things have a place in our walk with God. People who think differently from us are not our enemies. They are loved by God and our prayer needs to be that God will teach us how to love more deeply, more widely, more mercifully. 

I was shocked to be reminded that Haman also falls into the category of people that God wants to have mercy towards. Here’s some other people that fall into that category:

Israel

Hamas

Palestinians

LGBTQ

Democrats

Republicans

Black people

White people

Brown people

Poor people

People on Government Assistance

Illegal immigrants

Convicts

Homeless

Drug addicts

Politicians

Trump

Biden

Kamala Harris

People who carry guns

People who don’t carry guns

Vets

Pacificists

Let’s lift our eyes up off of all the chaos of this world and remember we are striving to be like Jesus. 

Swinging on the Pendulum

I have had a list of tasks slowly accumulating. All things that I don’t want to do and so I keep putting them off. Things like making a dentist appointment. Finding a new dentist for my kids. Calling a company about a bill. Deaing with insurance companies. Emailing someone. Calling my bank. 

My typical way of approaching these tasks is to ignore them as long as possible until the dread of facing consequences from not doing them outweighs the dread of actually doing them. 

And in the middle of all this inaction vs action, my brain keeps a tally. We did not do these things, take away points, we are obviously not worthy. We did things, add some points, we must be worthy! It’s an exhausting way to live and it’s something I’ve been struggling to break free of for years. The idea that we must somehow earn love and forgiveness and worth.  

Today, aside from doing things I didn’t want to do, I also did my reading from the book, “Chosen” by Donna Snow, a book I’m reading with a women’s Bible Study. It’s a study on Queen Esther, and it’s been enjoyable. Today’s topic was pride. Generally, Haman’s pride, but specifically, pride that we each deal with in our own lives. 

My mindset of earning my worth is all tied up in pride. I, because of all my good deeds, will be declared good enough. And when I’m having a bad day, I, with all my devastating failures, will never be declared good enough. 

Today, as I’ve swung back and forth on the pendulum of worthy and not worthy, I have heard the Holy Spirit asking me a question. Is what Jesus did on the cross enough? 

When I’m failing, feeling like a horrible parent, an inadequate wife, someone who is incapable of living a disciplined ordered life, is what Jesus did for me enough? Did his blood really cover all of my sins and wash me completely clean, or did it just take care of some of it? 

When I’m feeling like I’m on top of the world, accomplishing all the tasks, being superwoman, is what Jesus did on the cross enough? Do these things that I do make me more lovable, more saved, more righteous? 

I would say that the cure to pride is to take your eyes off of yourself and look instead at the one person who is worthy of all honor and glory. Jesus. He is the one who has declared us worthy, who sacrificed everything in order that we can be covered in his goodness. We can’t take away from what he did with our failures and we can’t add to what he did with our successes. Why am I worthy and loved? Because of Jesus. No other reason. Just Jesus. 

Needing Some Forgiveness for the New Year

It’s Sunday evening and I’m sitting in my living room, fire going, wrapped in a cozy blanket. Kids are reading, and skating, and playing loud instruments. Just another quiet evening at the Heneises. 

We’ve had a wonderful Christmas break. Lots of family time. For the most part everyone has managed to enjoy or at least put up with each other’s company. Apart from a couple days visiting grandparents, we’ve just been home. It has been a nice rest, but I’m ready for us to start back to our normal schedule tomorrow. 

It’s the beginning of the year and this is normally the time that we set goals, make plans, look forward with a hopeful list of all the things we want to accomplish. I couldn’t resist doing the same. I made a realistic exercise and diet plan to start on the first of the year. I followed the plan for day one, and then the next day came down with a really bad cold which wiped me out for the rest of the week. But, this is probably a good thing. I am realizing that I don’t want a “plan” or a “regimen” or anything like that. I want to head into this year making better choices every day. One step at a time. One day at a time. Not a set of rules, but rather a better mindset. 

As I’ve been sick these last several days, I’ve found myself all of a sudden remembering things I don’t want to remember from years ago. Remembering times I was especially selfish or stupid or mean. Remembering times I made really embarrassing mistakes. And I’m sitting here, years later, minding my own business, and all of a sudden I’m in that moment in my memories and my face turns red and I feel deep shame and I wish the earth would just open up and swallow me. Not fun. I was thinking about these horrible memories when we headed to church this morning. And then during the worship service over and over again there was the message of Jesus’ forgiveness and how it changes us and makes us new. We are forgiven. The past is in the past and we are moving forward into this new year, washed clean, filled with the Holy Spirit, following our Jesus  wherever he chooses to lead us.  

Forgiveness seems like a pretty relevant subject when you’re starting a new year. We want this coming year to be wonderful, we want our relationships to be healthy and fulfulling. We want work for our hands that gives us purpose and challenges us. We want to walk into this next year making great choices that will make us healthier and stronger and wiser. But, it’s hard to move into something new without addressing the old. If we want great relationships this year, we may need to go back and apologize for things we’ve done this past year. If we want our work to be purposeful and challenging, we might need to look back at why it wasn’t purposeful and challenging before. If we want to make better choices moving forward, we might need to make an honest assessment of the choices we made in the past that were more harmful than helpful so we can actually see what changes need to be made. And in the midst of all that looking back, we need to not sink into despair. We can ask Jesus to forgive us for the things we have done wrong and then we can move forward, learning from our mistakes and sins, and stepping into the new year with a clean slate. Ready to try again. 

So to all my fellow imperfect human beings, I wish you a Happy New Year. May you learn from the year we just finished, and may you seek and find the forgiveness that washes you clean and may this next year find you wiser and kinder and walking closer with Jesus.