Tag: Christianity

Where is the American Church?

My daughter is an Americorp volunteer. She just received news today that her program is shut down. Effective immediately. This week I heard that the CASA/GAL program is losing their funding. These are programs that help children in foster care who have suffered abuse or neglect. Another news item said that the suicide hotline for LGBTQ youth will be shut down. Federal funding that sent food to local food banks has disappeared. Programs that help poor people pay for housing and help the homeless get housing have had their funds reduced. 

This is all part of Making America Great Again. 

I read an article this past summer where some Christian Nationalist groups were interviewed and one man said it was not the business of the government to be doing charitable work, it was the work of the church, and if Trump got in power things would be fixed. 

So, if the government is not supposed to be involved in helping the poor, the needy, the sick, the homeless, and certainly not the strangers and aliens in our country, then, where is the American church? 

I’m not talking about the churches who are already working with the poor and the needy and the sick and the homeless. They’re already doing their job and are maxed out to what they can do. Where is the rest of the American church? All of these government funding cuts are affecting real people in real time. Right now there are people suffering hardship because of these funding cuts. So, what’s the plan? Who’s going to take over caring for these needs? 

The Bible is pretty radical in what it says about helping others in need. Here’s a tiny tiny sample: 

Luke 3:11  “John answered, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.”


Proverbs 31:8-9 “Open your mouth for the voiceless, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” 

Mathew 25:37-40 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Jesus desires humilty, grace, love, compassion. His followers seek the good of their neigbhors. We change the world by loving one person at a time. 

Where is the promised revolution where the American church will take care of charity so the government can turn its focus to whatever it’s thinking is more important? 

I am not worried about my daughter losing her funding for the work that she is doing. She is determined to serve and she will find a way to do so. But people like my daughter are kind of rare. And they can’t take care of everyone. I am waiting to hear about the flood of sermons preached in the Maga churches where the pastors will exhort their congregation to go out and get their hands dirty and help the needy in their immediate communities. Hey, guess what, the local food pantry is no longer being funded, let’s step up and fund them as a church. Hey, the program that helps homeless people achieve stability and housing just lost their funding. Send around the offering plate, let’s fund it. Hey, the foster care system is overflowing and they need foster parents, and lawyers, and volunteer workers, and open homes, and counselors, and doctors, and teachers and a whole other giant list of things, let’s make it happen. 

If I see the American church doing this on a large scale, and if this becomes our definition of Making America Great, then maybe there will be hope for us. 

And I pray, Lord have Mercy on Me, I have not done enough to help those in need. Lord have mercy on the American church, let us step up and obey your word. Lord have mercy on the downtrodden, the desperate, the needy. Change our hearts, soften our hearts, give us your compassion and love for those around us. Give us your eyes to see the value and beauty in the homeless person we drive by on our way to work. Break through our pride and apathy. Help us to lift our eyes up from our entertainment and see the suffering world around us. Give us vision and strategy to help our communities. Lord have mercy.

Theater of the Absurd

When I was a senior in high school I was in Mr. Koon’s honors English class at Bethel Regional High School, in Bethel, Alaska. It was a top-notch class. I have not seen any of my children have to do the amount of work that we did in that class in their own high school and even community college English classes. For our final project we chose an author and did an in-depth study of them and their works. I think in the end, I wrote close to 30 pages total on my author. I chose Eugene Ionesco, a playwright who was part of the Theater of the Absurd, and explored the ideas of existentialism. 

I focused on his play “Rhinoceros”. This play takes place in France and was a commentary on the rise of fascism before and during World War 2. In the play, which takes place in a small French town, the people of the town start turning into rhinos. At first there is some alarm and the townspeople turn to a logician to get explanations of what is happening. But as more and more people turn into rhinos, (including the logician) the townspeople start viewing it as a good thing, and they too, quickly turn into rhinos. At the end, the main character, the last person, finds himself oddly attracted to the rhinos, but stubbornly determined to continue fighting against them. 

The theater of the absurd focuses on the idea that life is absurd and thus meaningless and you have to create your own meaning in life. This falls in line with the idea that there is no absolute truth and everyone has to create “their own truth”. (That might be true for you, but it isn’t true for me!)

I would say that the time period that we are living in now is a manifestation of these ideas. Have you noticed that truth no longer exists in our public spaces? Let’s look at a concrete example. Trump’s meeting with Zelensky. It was televised so all the world could see it. Now, look at the commentary on this meeting. People and news agencies and commentators who support Trump explained what this meeting meant and why it went the way that it did. People and news agencies and commentators who do not support Trump also explained what this meeting meant and why it went the way it did. And I can tell you that those two sets of commentary are polar opposite. Like one person saying the sun is shining and the other person saying, no that is the moon. 

We are living in a time when “truth” has become so obscure, we no longer believe it exists. Everything is up for interpretation. And I believe that this mindset feeds into the idea that life is meaningless. 

As a person who has decided to not participate in either side of the political spectrum, I am finding my daily wade into social media and the news an exercise in absurdity and frustration, almost like watching my fellow citizens turn into rhinos right in front of my eyes. And in the end, it feels like truth doesn’t exist, there is no way to know who is right and wrong, so I just need to find my own things to focus on. Ie. I should just go create my own meaning for life, invent my own truth. 

I believe it is absolutely imperative in these times that we hold fast to that which we know is true. 

To the Jews who had believed him, Jesus said, “If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:31-32

What did Jesus teach? Love God, love your neighbors. When Jesus was on earth, his followers wanted to crown him and turn his mission into a political one. Jesus refused. He was establishing a different kind of kingdom. One that starts in people’s hearts and then naturally affects the world around them as they start living out what Jesus taught. Jesus said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you.” Matthew 6:33. 

We are so worried about the state of our country. And the solutions that are offered to us are so polar opposite to each other, they negate each other. What do we do about it? Seek after God, do his will. Pray for wisdom. I encourage everyone to run all the “truths” that come your way through this filter. Does this fall in line with loving God? Does this fall in line with loving my neighbor? 

Life is not meaningless. Absolute truth exists. Jesus said, I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me. As the concept of truth continues to disintegrate around us, I cling to this. 

What do we do when we emphatically disagree?

Over the last weeks as a new administration has taken over the government, I have been struggling to write. 

In a country where half the population wanted our current President and half the population did not, it’s really difficult to find a middle line that is not offensive to someone. And as I see the lack of unity, the extreme division in all areas of our society, I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 

As a Christian it is even more imperative that I do not sow division. Jesus does not categorize us into all the boxes that we like so much, Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, Nondenominational. To him, we are simply his church, his bride. All the denominations. All the flavors. When I am upset at people in the church holding onto political stances that I strongly disagree with, I think of Romans 14:4:

Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

So, what do we do when we emphatically disagree with the people around us? 

I know that I have had to give myself some time to cool down. And social media does not help with that. I’ve had to go through and snooze some people on my Facebook feed. Not because I don’t like them or that I’m opposed to seeing things from a perspective that I don’t agree with, but because I have not been in an emotional headspace to handle a different perspective. 

It’s hard to be calm and be at peace with others when your emotions are riled up. 

And maybe that’s what we all need right now. Everybody step back and take a deep breath. 

I’m also having to take time to put faces and stories to the opposite perspective. Instead of making blanket statements like, if you all disagree with this then you must be a bunch of idiots, maybe stop and think. Hmm. My friend Betty supports this other idea. She supports it because she is worried about x,y, and z, and the people that she trusts have told her that this is the answer to those problems that she is worried about. 

The next step is being able to have conversations with people who think differently. Calm conversations. Conversations where both sides show respect to each other and don’t belittle each other’s comments. 

I had a rather charged conversation with my son, who happens to think differently than me, and it got a bit too emotional. But we were able to stop. Reaffirm our respect for each other and our willingness to listen, and were able to proceed to have a good conversation where I was able to see his perspective and maybe he saw some of mine. 

It is hard to not see the political state of our country as the “main thing”. Surely this is the “main thing” I should be thinking about, studying about, worrying about, talking about. It does, after all, feel like a historical event, as things progress in ways they never have before. With half celebrating and half mourning. It’s really hard to not make this the “main thing”. 

But, if you are a follower of Jesus, it is not the main thing. Jesus was asked, what is the most important commandment,

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’Matthew 22:37-39

I am challenging myself and anyone reading this to really focus on keeping this the main thing. Think about the words you say when you talk about politics. Are they in line with loving God with all your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself?  Perhaps there is righteous anger rushing through your veins. Perhaps you feel that other people’s political stances are causing them to walk away from the teachings of Jesus. It is possible to chastise someone without disrespecting them. It is possible to remind others that we are called to love all people, and it’s possible to do it in a way that instead of feeling stung and guilty, they feel convicted and moved to change. In order to do that, we usually have to remove our own anger first and be motivated by love, not vindictiveness. 

So, that’s what I’m working on these days.

Swinging on the Pendulum

I have had a list of tasks slowly accumulating. All things that I don’t want to do and so I keep putting them off. Things like making a dentist appointment. Finding a new dentist for my kids. Calling a company about a bill. Deaing with insurance companies. Emailing someone. Calling my bank. 

My typical way of approaching these tasks is to ignore them as long as possible until the dread of facing consequences from not doing them outweighs the dread of actually doing them. 

And in the middle of all this inaction vs action, my brain keeps a tally. We did not do these things, take away points, we are obviously not worthy. We did things, add some points, we must be worthy! It’s an exhausting way to live and it’s something I’ve been struggling to break free of for years. The idea that we must somehow earn love and forgiveness and worth.  

Today, aside from doing things I didn’t want to do, I also did my reading from the book, “Chosen” by Donna Snow, a book I’m reading with a women’s Bible Study. It’s a study on Queen Esther, and it’s been enjoyable. Today’s topic was pride. Generally, Haman’s pride, but specifically, pride that we each deal with in our own lives. 

My mindset of earning my worth is all tied up in pride. I, because of all my good deeds, will be declared good enough. And when I’m having a bad day, I, with all my devastating failures, will never be declared good enough. 

Today, as I’ve swung back and forth on the pendulum of worthy and not worthy, I have heard the Holy Spirit asking me a question. Is what Jesus did on the cross enough? 

When I’m failing, feeling like a horrible parent, an inadequate wife, someone who is incapable of living a disciplined ordered life, is what Jesus did for me enough? Did his blood really cover all of my sins and wash me completely clean, or did it just take care of some of it? 

When I’m feeling like I’m on top of the world, accomplishing all the tasks, being superwoman, is what Jesus did on the cross enough? Do these things that I do make me more lovable, more saved, more righteous? 

I would say that the cure to pride is to take your eyes off of yourself and look instead at the one person who is worthy of all honor and glory. Jesus. He is the one who has declared us worthy, who sacrificed everything in order that we can be covered in his goodness. We can’t take away from what he did with our failures and we can’t add to what he did with our successes. Why am I worthy and loved? Because of Jesus. No other reason. Just Jesus. 

Christmas and Revelation

It’s Christmas Eve. I’m sitting in my robe in my kitchen, waiting for a bread pudding to come out of the oven. After some consideration, I came to the conclusion that bread pudding actually has less sugar and more eggs than french toast or pancakes, and thus is actually a perfectly acceptable breakfast food. 😀 I lit my candles, and shared a hot drink with my husband before he headed out to work. Now two of my daughters have joined me, cheerfully chattering. 

My list for today is reasonable and we will end the evening with a Christmas Eve service at the Lutheran church where my children attend school. All is Merry and Bright. 

Set against this scene was my Bible reading this morning. I am doing a Bible reading plan with our church where we are reading through the New Testament and Psalms. We have stuck it out all year and are finally wrapping up our reading with the book of Revelation. It is a very jarring book to read at Christmas time. It feels so at odds with our celebrations. 

If you are thinking about the story of our deliverance, Christmas is the beginning. (Though the entire Old Testament is a looking forward to this deliverance). And then Revelation is the end. Jesus returns, judgement is passed, sin and death end, we move forward into the glorious future Jesus has planned for us. But first we have to get through some serious suffering and hardship as it all comes to pass. 

I am sitting here wondering why we need to read Revelation at Christmas time, and this is what has occurred to me. 

This Christmas has been really wonderful. And I keep comparing it to past Christmases. I remember when money was a lot shorter and tighter and our Christmas shopping mostly happened at the thrift stores. Or those times when the only extra money for Christmas came from a Christmas bonus check that we only got a day or two before Christmas day, and then the very rushed shopping expeditions as I tried to find presents two days before Christmas. I remember trying to have Christmas trees with babies and toddlers who were determined to pull every ornament off the tree and try their very hardest to pull the whole tree down on top of themselves. I remember trying to do nightly advent readings with a whole gaggle of small, impatient children who didn’t want to sit still and listen. I remember the chaos of trying to keep the house clean and beautiful with Christmas decorations while the children came along behind me, flinging toys and books left and right, spilling drinks and crumbs on my freshly swept floors. And while those memories are full of joy and fondness, I am really enjoying this Christmas where my children are old enough to help keep things tidy, sit still for our advent readings, and I am not feeling overly stressed financially. 

Looking back actually makes this present moment even sweeter. 

Perhaps it’s the same for Christmas. Looking back, and forward, makes the meaning of Christmas even richer. We look back and see how lost we were in our sins, stuck in a constant cycle of death and destruction. We look forward and see that one day, all the sin in the world will be punished, justice will finally come, and for those who claim this free gift of deliverance, paradise is waiting. Which makes Christmas, the time we celebrate that Jesus came to earth as a baby to begin his ministry of deliverance, so much sweeter. 

Perhaps Revelation and Christmas do go together. Merry Christmas everyone, I pray it will be a joyous season for you, whether this is a time of struggling or a time of peace. God is good all the time, past, present and future.

Good Chris­tian men, re­joice
With heart and soul, and voice;
Give ye heed to what we say:
News! News! Je­sus Christ is born to­day;
Ox and ass be­fore Him bow;
And He is in the man­ger now.
Christ is born to­day!
Christ is born to­day!

Good Chris­tian men, re­joice,
With heart and soul and voice;
Now ye hear of end­less bliss:
Joy! Joy! Je­sus Christ was born for this!
He has op­ened the heav­en­ly door,
And man is blest for­ev­er­more.
Christ was born for this!
Christ was born for this!

Good Chris­tian men, re­joice,
With heart and soul and voice;
Now ye need not fear the grave:
Peace! Peace! Je­sus Christ was born to save!
Calls you one and calls you all,
To gain His ev­er­last­ing hall.
Christ was born to save!
Christ was born to save!

Good Christian Men Rejoice
Words by Heinrich Suso
Translated by John Neale

Share My Joy!

This morning I woke up at 4:30am, jerked awake by a million thoughts of all the things I need to get done. I checked my phone to see what time it was then lay back in bed, trying to make myself stop thinking so I could sleep more, but I finally gave up at 5:30am and just got up. Took a shower, got all my candles lit, put on Handel’s Messiah, snuggled up in the living room with a blanket and my dog and caught up on some Bible reading, while sipping a cup of tea. Pretty delightful actually.  

Now, I’ve got all the kids up, dressed, fed, lunches packed, homework in backpacks, younger kids delivered to their school, the teens’ vehicle filled with gas, confirmed report that they made it to school safely. Husband is out the door. My fire is going in my woodstove, snow is falling outside, my home is warm and cozy, Christmas music is playing and I have a deep desire to share all this peace and joy with everyone. 

In December we do an advent of a sort as a family. We have daily readings that we do followed with a little treat. This year we added reading through the book “The Heart of Jesus” by Dane Ortlund. Sitting every evening reading about Jesus’ constancy, his enduring love, his gentle and compassionate heart for us, has been wonderful. 

I become more and more aware of how richly blessed I am, and more and more aware that everything I have is because of Jesus. 

I am loved. I am accepted. I am able to use my gifts and talents daily to bless the people around me and bring joy to myself as well. 

My relationships are healthy. Not perfect, but when issues inevitably arise, I have God’s word and the Holy Spirit to help unravel any difficulties.  

I have hope for the future. I know that no matter what happens God is there and his plan will prevail. Death is not a scary prospect, rather it will be the moment that I will finally see Jesus face to face. 

I know that my children are in God’s hands and I can trust him with them. 

I have all that I need. And I have a long history on which to look back and see all the times God provided when we didn’t have the power to provide for ourselves. And that gives me confidence to not worry for future provision. 

I have peace in the storms. I have joy in the everyday things. 

I have Jesus. 

And it came to pass in those days that a decree went out from Caesar Augustus that all the world should be registered. This census first took place while Quirinius was governing Syria. So all went to be registered, everyone to his own city.

Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judea, to the city of David, which is called Bethlehem, because he was of the house and lineage of David, to be registered with Mary, his betrothed wife, who was with child. So it was, that while they were there, the days were completed for her to be delivered.  And she brought forth her firstborn Son, and wrapped Him in swaddling cloths, and laid Him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn. Luke 2:1-7

Jesus, the Son of God, came as a baby, lived the perfect life for us and then died as a sacrifice for our sins, then rose again on the third day so that we can have eternal life with him. He holds out his hand and says, 

 “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

My prayer for everyone is that this Christmas will be about knowing Jesus and resting in his forgiveness and truly earth-shattering love for us. 

Wonderful Beautiful Monday

It’s a bright crisp Monday morning and I just got home from a two mile walk with my dog through the neighborhood. The sun was making the world glitter and the trees were just starting to show off their new autumn streaks of red and gold. It was cool enough to wear a thick sweater, but not freezing. Basically, just a perfect Fall morning. The song “To God be the Glory” has been running through my head since we sang it in church yesterday and I woke up humming it as I started my day. 

We had a really busy weekend and I’m looking forward today to just being home, keeping the laundry going, practicing piano, starting a new book I’m doing with a women’s bible study, maybe reading some more of my fun book I’m working on too. 

I feel happy. Joyful. And thankful. Because I know that this joy and happiness is a gift from God. It’s not my normal way of starting a Monday. The gift is that somehow God made himself present in my thoughts first thing today. Instead of waking up feeling tired and grumpy from having to get up early, stressing about the busy week ahead, I woke up singing. That was not something that I manufactured and did because I’m just a great person. Only the work of the Holy Spirit can make me wake up cheerful on a Monday morning. 😀

Last night before I went to bed, I finished the last chapter of “The Heart of Jesus How He Really Feels About You” by Dane Ortlund. I loved how the author ended the book. He concluded that instead of trying to figure out how we can take all the lessons we learned in the book and apply them to our lives, instead we just need to follow Matthew 11:28 and “Come to Jesus”. Bask in his love for us, his forgiveness, his heart for us. Just go to Jesus. Be with him. 

When you learn that Jesus is not angry with you. That his forgiveness is eternal, he is rich in mercy, that he yearns for us, that he is gentle and lowly, that his ways of loving and showing mercy are so much higher than our ways of loving and showing mercy. When you learn that he is gracious and slow to anger, that he is a tender friend, that his heart is beautiful. When you learn these things and then realize that you can actually spend every moment of your day with this God who loves you so richly. That you can talk to him and share your life with him, every good and bad moment. That you can spend your days seeing his goodness surrounding you and be able to thank him personally, and continually..Oh, what a wonderful day it is when you can live this out. 

This Monday is no different from any other Monday. There’s work to be done, stress to live through. Things will break. Money will come up short. Kids will fuss and fight. Bad news will show up. But, oh the difference, when you start the day with Jesus, feel his love, see his goodness. What a wonderful, beautiful Monday it is. 

Basking in Kindess

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the kindness of God. I have been adapting to being a stay-at-home mom whose kids are now all in school all day. Trying to figure out what I should be doing with the extra windows of time I suddenly have. I teach piano lessons one full day a week and one evening a week, and it takes at least three full days to keep up with all the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and errands, plus room to handle all the non routine things like doctor’s appointments etc which left me with one day during school hours where I felt like I really could be doing more with my time. And I’ve worried about it. Should I go volunteer somewhere? A homeless shelter? A soup kitchen? Tutor kids in need? I had no idea what I should be doing. And I felt like God had something in mind and it would be obvious when I found it. 

Now, do I like volunteering? It really depends on what the task is. I am very capable of talking to strangers, but I’m shy and introverted and it takes a lot out of me to make myself do that. I would much prefer to be sweeping the floor in the back room than to be in a position where I am talking to lots of people. So, I didn’t jump into anything. Just waited. 

But, this goes a little deeper. I think most of my life I have lived in expectation that I am the one who needs to do the hard things. There’s not enough cookies for everyone, I’ll go without. The cat threw up on the floor, I’ll clean it up. We all just had a fun time at the party, now I’ll clean up all the mess. Part of that is just being an adult with kids. It’s the adult’s job to sacrifice and take on the harder, less pleasant tasks. But, I think it goes deeper than that. And I’m struggling to put it into words, but the closest I can come to is, “God is always going to expect me to do things that I don’t really enjoy and that require a lot of self-sacrifce, because someone needs to do it, and I and I am dependable, and in the middle of it all, it will make me build character.” 

So, with all that background in mind, a couple weeks ago I attended a women’s bible study at the church where my children go to school. And during introductions another friend mentioned I played piano, and long story short, the choir teacher for my kids school who was also at the Bible study revealed that she could really use someone to play piano for her choir classes and performances, was I interested? Um, yes. 

And I walked out of the Bible Study that evening just stunned at the kindness of God. If someone asked me what my dream volunteer job was, I would have said anything involving music. But of course, that’s frivolous. No one actually NEEDS someone to play piano for them during school hours… Except for the choir teacher at my kids’ school!

I know this is all part of my journey to understanding the love of God for me. And what a wonderful journey it is. 

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.Psalm 63: 3-4

Upstairs Downstairs Truth

I’m reading a book called “The Deconstruction of Chrisitianity: What it is, Why it’s Destructive, and How to Respond” by Alisa Childers and Tim Barnett. I’m only up to chapter 7, but it’s been a good book so far. 

In the book the authors acknowledge yet another author, Francis Shaeffer, who came up with the concept of upstairs and downstairs truth. And that’s what I want to talk about. So, the idea is that in this stage of history that we are in, we have come to organize truth in a two story house. On the bottom floor are things like science and math. Facts. These are unarguable, unmovable. 1+1=2. No one is going to reasonably argue with that. Then, in the second story of our house we have things that fall more into the category of preferences. I think chocolate ice cream tastes better than vanilla. I like Fall better than Winter. Green is the prettiest color. These are opinions and are going to be different for each person. You like green, but I think purple is better. So far so good. The problem arises in that our society has placed religion in the upstairs part of our house. You believe in God? Ok, that’s fine. I don’t. But, whatever makes you happy. Which, maybe you’ve seen that COEXIST bumper sticker that uses each letter of the word to represent all the world’s main religions? The idea being, you believe in Allah, and I’ll believe in Buddha, and they can believe in God, and we can all be happy together and support each other in our preferential beliefs. 

Except that, as Christians, we believe that our faith belongs in the downstairs part of the house. Jesus is real, his word, the Bible is unarguable truth. Jesus said, “I am the way and the truth and the life, no one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6. We don’t believe that religion is preferential. If you don’t believe in Jesus then you are not saved. This is unarguable fact, like 1+1=2. 

I’ve been thinking about my own faith journey. I had some traumatic events when I was very young and my response was to retreat into my own little world of imagination and books. But, even at that age, I knew Jesus, and I took him with me into my own little world. I remember when I would daydream and create stories in my head, there was always that standard that my stories I made up and lived out in my fantasy world (stories that helped me makes sense of the world I was living in and make sense of the things that had happened to me), those stories always acknowledged the presence of God. And when I think back on the theme of most of the stories I made up, the heroes I imagined were very Christ-like. 

As a child who grew up on the mission field and whose parents were in full-time ministry, I saw a lot of the bad side of organized religion. I saw hypocrisy, abuse, and more hypocrisy. I saw a lot of legalism. Manipulation. Essentially, a whole array of things that should have turned me away from my faith. Things that should have made me think, well, if that’s what Jesus is like, then I don’t want anything to do with him. And here is where my testimony is, my story of how God kept me from falling away. Somehow, Jesus made himself known to me at such a young age and was so a part of my inner thought life, that when I saw all these things that were wrong, I knew that those things were not Jesus. Those things were people acting in such a way that proved they obviously didn’t know the true Jesus. 

I have known since I was very young that Jesus is fact. Not a preference. He is the truth and everything else is measured against him and his word as found in the Bible. And when Christians don’t act in a Christ-like manner, I know it means they’re not walking in step with Jesus, not that Jesus doesn’t exist. 

Reading about the Upstairs Downstairs method of organizing truth has been really helpful for me to understand where people are coming from when they approach religion as being a subjective experience. And it also helps make sense why people can get so angry about “fundamental Christians”. If my viewpoint of the world is that Jesus is a flavor of ice cream that I can choose to like or not like or just ignore if I want to, I can see how someone standing there telling me that Jesus is the only way would feel annoying. I pray that the Holy Spirit will move and open people’s eyes to see that Jesus is fact not preference, that he is Truth, not opinion. 

Fail, Repent, Try Again

At the beginning of the school year, my 8th grade daughter had an assignment where she had to describe each person in her family with one adjective. She was telling me the words she used for each of her siblings and it was really fun. Then she told me that she chose the word “Perseverance” for me. Since I have never thought of that as one of my defining traits, I asked her why. She said it was because I kept starting new diets and new exercise plans. I didn’t give up. I kept trying. 

That flabbergasted me. I would tell you that my inability to stick to a healthy diet and exercise plan is one of my biggest failures in life. But through my daughter’s eyes of grace she saw it as perseverance. Mom never gives up. She keeps trying. 

I see my relationship with diet and exercise kind of like that Greek mythological guy who gets cursed to roll a large boulder up a mountain, and every time he almost reaches the top, the boulder rolls back down and he has to start all over again. I don’t see this as a battle I am ever going to win. But at the same time, I’d rather spend my life pushing the boulder up the mountain, then sitting at the bottom and giving up. So I tell my kids, once again..Ok, nobody offer me chocolate or ice cream or anything that tastes great, cause I’m going off sugar again. Who wants to go walking in the park with me? I’m trying to walk every day…again. And the kids just nod and accept it. They’ve seen it before. 

But apparently, while I thought I was modeling “how to fail repeatedly”, at least one of them saw me modeling Perseverance instead. 

I’ve had quite a few people tell me I should write a book. Maybe about parenting? And that sounds like a horrible idea to me. I’ve sat and thought about it before. What advice would I give newer parents? I can’t come up with much. Love your kids. Do unto others as you’d have them do unto you. I feel like my parenting journey has been fully rooted in the verse, “My grace is sufficient for you..” I’ve made silly mistakes and I’ve made mistakes that have caused horrible damage. I have some deep regrets. But, God has been faithful. He has been kind enough to show us what we are doing wrong and given us the opportunity to ask forgiveness and repent and try to turn to a different path. He has been gracious to my children and put other people in their lives who have helped them overcome some of the wounds I have inevitably caused. And somehow he has allowed all of us to walk a path where all of my older children still like talking to me and spending time with me, even when they now have the freedom to choose otherwise. That is God’s favor on our lives. 

I would say that my parenting style has been a constant pattern of fail, repent, try again. I guess I could say our marriage is kind of like that too. In fact.. Maybe this is a pattern for life? Fail, repent, try again? And somehow God works through all of that and instead of calling it failure, he calls it perseverance. And he gives us grace to try again, and somehow takes all the messy debris from all our mistakes, and turns them into good. And while I hope that I will see some victories in this life, the good news is that, unlike the Greek guy who is cursed forever, I know that one day I will be with Jesus and all the battles will be over and I will be fully victorious. And until then, with the grace of God, I will persevere.