Tag: justification

Let’s Talk About Sex

Let’s talk about sex. Particularly, sex and entertainment. Sex is everywhere in our entertainment. Sex sells. Maybe the plot line in that show isn’t very strong, but throw in some beautiful actors and some steamy scenes and viewership will go up. The porn market has exploded, but even if you don’t engage in watching x-rated films or visiting elicit websites, sex is still everywhere. 

I have never enjoyed watching people on a screen make out or have sex. It makes me very uncomfortable and I will turn it off or look away. For myself, the place I get exposed to sex the most is in books. I am an avid reader. I have been a bookworm since second grade and have read every possible genre out there, except horror which has never attracted me. Because I read so much when I was young, my reading level was way above my age level and I read books aimed towards an adult audience pretty young. Growing up in a time where conversations about sex were taboo, finding glimpses of sex in books was very educational. I gleaned a lot of information through my reading. 

As an adult I found myself leaning towards romance books. I loved the stories. Silliness and fluff. But also a lot of insight into how our society views relationships between men and women. Maybe these stories were over-the-top unrealistic, but why did all the authors lean into the same tropes? What was it about these inflated, over the top relationships that kept pulling the readers in? What was it in these interactions that we the readers found so appealing? What hole in our heart, what longings were we trying to fill with these stories? 

While I enjoyed these stories, there were sex scenes. Generally, I could start reading a section and see what was about to happen, and flip a couple pages till we got past that little interlude and could get back to the story, but the scenes were there, and you couldn’t help taking in some of the details. 

And then, even if you’re not into romance books, there are the real-to-life books that have frank open treatment of sex, in an attempt to show the full extent of the character’s experiences. Perhaps it’s showing the horror of sexual abuse. Domestic violence. Betrayal. Or even what a really healthy relationship looks like. Authors have no problem sharing scenes that might not be meant to be titillating, but still hide very little details. 

So, as a Christian, what do we do about this? I can give you all the justifications for why it’s ok to be exposed to all this sex. I’ve been justifying it my whole life. It’s educational. I’m skipping the bad parts, it’s learning about the human experience. It’s art. It’s just silly entertainment, no harm. 

In the end I’ve had to come down to the question, what is this doing to my relationship with Jesus? Can I read this section in the book and then pray and talk to Jesus just like before? Or does there feel like there is a wall of guilt separating me? And the answer is, yes, this causes a separation, a hesitancy, between me and Jesus. 

This makes me think about 1 Corinthians 10:23  which says, “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful,” but not all things build up. 

I will tell you that for myself, I have found that an exposure to sex in books has not helped to build me up or draw me closer to Jesus. And I am sorry that my cavalier attitude towards sex in books may have been influential in convincing other people that reading those books was ok. 

And so, I lean heavily into God’s grace which he so freely gives, ask forgiveness, and pray that I will grow in my faith and cast down anything that hinders me from knowing Jesus more. 

The Gospel PLUS

One of my pastors made a comment that if some act that you were doing caused you to feel more righteous than someone else, then you were adding on to the Gospel. The Gospel PLUS. The Bible tells us that Jesus’ death on the cross completely covered the debt we owed for our sins. We come to Jesus in faith, repent of our sins, and he forgives us. We then walk out our lives learning how to listen and obey him and through that process he changes us to become more like him. But it’s not our obedience and our listening that saves us. It’s Jesus’ work on the cross, a free gift to us. 

That is a hard concept. We like to feel like we are earning our way. Let me work for that. Surely, I need to be doing something to deserve this. And then we take concepts like prayer and Bible reading, and service and we turn them into laws. Things we must do to earn grace. If I don’t get up every morning and read my Bible and pray for an hour, then I’m not really saved. If I don’t fast once a week then I’m not really holy. If I don’t take one day a week and spend the entire day devoted to church and rest then I’m not really following after God. 

All of these things, Bible reading, prayer, fasting, sabbath rest, all of these things are gifts that God has given us to enable us to learn more about him, to enter into his presence, to come alongside him in his work here on the earth, to keep our bodies and minds healthy and whole. They are gifts that we have been given, and the more we use them, the more blessed we are. But doing these things does not save us. Jesus’ work on the cross is what saves us. 

I think back to things that I have done that were good and healthy and blessed our family, but I know that deep down I did feel “more righteous” than others because I did them. Things like homeschooling, or eating super healthy, daily family devotions. All good things. All things that I’m glad that we did. But, I wish my heart attitude had been different. I wish that I had known to hold these practices lightly, to not feel the stress of HAVING to do these things in order to be righteous. But instead to just rejoice that God made these things possible for our family as a blessing to us. 

RIght now I find myself struggling a bit. I am not actively involved in any kind of ministry. My children are. And I help them get to and from the places they need to be. But I myself am not doing anything. And I remind myself that my family is my first priority. My main ministry. But I feel guilty for not doing more. And that is definitely coming from a Gospel PLUS mentality. If I’m not actively serving somewhere then I’m not earning my way. 

In the past, I have never actively sought out ministry. A need has simply arrived on my doorstep, so to speak, and I have responded to that need. And I keep waiting for something to be brought to my attention that I can help with and nothing has shown up. And deep in my heart, I’m thankful that nothing has shown up, because this has been an emotionally difficult summer as I’ve watched my kids scatter all over the place, pursuing their dreams, growing up, leaving the nest, and I’ve had to fight the duel feelings of overwhelming pride that they have grown up so well and have so much to offer the world, and deep sorrow that they are no longer little and no longer apart of my daily interactions. 

And so I have to learn how to trust that God does not need all my works in order to deem me acceptable to him. Jesus already took care of that. I am saved. I’m adopted in. I am loved. And I’m available. He will use me as he sees fit, and I can relax and wait on his timing. Keep doing the things that are set in front of me. Wash the dishes, fold the laundry, feed the family. Love on my babies that are still here. And just rest in the Gospel.