Tag: piano lessons

Basking in Kindess

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the kindness of God. I have been adapting to being a stay-at-home mom whose kids are now all in school all day. Trying to figure out what I should be doing with the extra windows of time I suddenly have. I teach piano lessons one full day a week and one evening a week, and it takes at least three full days to keep up with all the laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning and errands, plus room to handle all the non routine things like doctor’s appointments etc which left me with one day during school hours where I felt like I really could be doing more with my time. And I’ve worried about it. Should I go volunteer somewhere? A homeless shelter? A soup kitchen? Tutor kids in need? I had no idea what I should be doing. And I felt like God had something in mind and it would be obvious when I found it. 

Now, do I like volunteering? It really depends on what the task is. I am very capable of talking to strangers, but I’m shy and introverted and it takes a lot out of me to make myself do that. I would much prefer to be sweeping the floor in the back room than to be in a position where I am talking to lots of people. So, I didn’t jump into anything. Just waited. 

But, this goes a little deeper. I think most of my life I have lived in expectation that I am the one who needs to do the hard things. There’s not enough cookies for everyone, I’ll go without. The cat threw up on the floor, I’ll clean it up. We all just had a fun time at the party, now I’ll clean up all the mess. Part of that is just being an adult with kids. It’s the adult’s job to sacrifice and take on the harder, less pleasant tasks. But, I think it goes deeper than that. And I’m struggling to put it into words, but the closest I can come to is, “God is always going to expect me to do things that I don’t really enjoy and that require a lot of self-sacrifce, because someone needs to do it, and I and I am dependable, and in the middle of it all, it will make me build character.” 

So, with all that background in mind, a couple weeks ago I attended a women’s bible study at the church where my children go to school. And during introductions another friend mentioned I played piano, and long story short, the choir teacher for my kids school who was also at the Bible study revealed that she could really use someone to play piano for her choir classes and performances, was I interested? Um, yes. 

And I walked out of the Bible Study that evening just stunned at the kindness of God. If someone asked me what my dream volunteer job was, I would have said anything involving music. But of course, that’s frivolous. No one actually NEEDS someone to play piano for them during school hours… Except for the choir teacher at my kids’ school!

I know this is all part of my journey to understanding the love of God for me. And what a wonderful journey it is. 

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, My lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.Psalm 63: 3-4

The Power of Small Changes

This past week I’ve had something unusual happen. I’ve been waking up in a good mood, feeling happy. As someone who has spent her entire life fighting lowgrade depression which occasionally morphs into full blown deep depression, waking up feeling happy feels strange. It’s not that I normally wake up in a bad mood. It’s just usually very neutral. Yes, I’m awake. New day. Better get moving. 

I find myself kind of poking this happiness. What are you doing here? Isn’t there something that I should be worried about or feeling upset about? I find myself examining every aspect of my life. Am I being a good mom, wife, friend? Am I using my time well? And while everything can always improve, I feel like everything is moving in the right direction. Huh.  

Is happiness simply the lack of conflict and problems? I hope not, otherwise, I can count on this disappearing pretty quickly. Life has a way of throwing stuff at you at a pretty regular pace. 

But, I don’t think that’s what it is. I think that I am finally seeing the fruit of a lot of small decisions and disciplines I’ve been slowly implementing. I think allowing myself a good six months to just sit with my grief when my foster daughter left was the beginning. Then tackingly my health with diet and exercise and working on getting back into music. All individual choices that have required daily discipline, but I am starting to see fruit, and easing of depression seems to be one of those good benefits. 

I was thinking about this same concept in the realm of parenting. I have concerns for some of my kids. Things I want to see changed. Things that worry me. And this morning as I sat at the breakfast table, my youngest sitting in my lap having a cuddle before school, I thought, this is how change happens. One day at a time. Me consistently loving them, pouring into them, providing a peaceful home where their needs are met. Correcting unwanted behavior as it happens. 

Sometimes when I am dwelling on things that are going wrong with my kids, I want something big and drastic that I can implement that will solve all the problems and fix it immediately. But that is rarely what works. Instead it is small changes, small choices, daily disciplines. 

For example, my son was having a really negative attitude about school starting up again. Everything he said was negative. His attitude was horrible and he was angry and in a bad mood constantly. After checking out the facts and realizing that the only real problem he was having was that he didn’t want to stop summer break where he could play all day and resented having to do actual work every day, I wanted his attitude to change immediately. I wanted this negativity to stop. I lectured him quite a bit. Surely if he just faced the facts, he would accept it and move on. Nope. No change. I finally implemented a “GOOD ATTITUDE” chart. Every day after school he had to tell me three good things that happened that day. And then he could tell me one thing that was challenging. Each day he could get a sticker for doing that, and every week that he filled his chart with stickers, he would get a dollar. 

The first day was comical in how hard it was for him to tell me three good things. It took him all afternoon and it was like he was fighting a lot of inner demons to be able to get the words out his mouth. (He really wanted the dollar, so he persevered.) The next day was a little easier.  By the end of the week he was getting in the car after school ready to tell me his three good things right away. By the end of the second week he had already forgotten about the chart. The negativity had ended and each day he was able to casually mention good things that happened during the day. And his mood had vastly improved. One small discipline, implemented daily. Long term results. 

I think it’s tied up with faith and hope. I have faith that God’s word is true, and I have hope that if I follow God’s precepts, I will see fruit which will come at the right and proper time. And for that, I am thankful. 

What is God’s Will for my Life?

I’ve been thinking about how hard it is to discern God’s will for your life. 

I have started taking piano lessons again. I’ve been doing it for one month. I’m loving it. I’m practicing every day and my teacher is amazing. I’m seeing some really big improvements as I follow her direction. I feel like something was hibernating inside of me for a long time and it’s slowly being awakened. But I’m fighting a battle with guilt. 

Is this really the best use of your time? Are you taking away from your kids by doing this? Isn’t this rather selfish? Are you wasting family resources? Is this really necessary? Shouldn’t you be out doing ministry in your spare time? How is this ever going to turn into a job that will help your family down the road? You are definitely being selfish. 

Now, I’m not entertaining these thoughts. They come, I brush them away. They come again. I push them away again. I’m not inviting them in and wallowing in them but, they do keep coming. 

Our foster daughter of three years left this last December. I have spent this year kind of recovering from that. A lot of emotions to process. I feel like I am finally in a place where I’m ready to be out in the world again, but I’ve been at a bit of a loss as to what I should be doing with myself. Serving people is a key part of my faith. Love God. Love People. And right now, I don’t feel like I’m doing much serving. There are a million ways to get involved in serving here in our community. So many organizations with boots on the ground who always need more volunteers. Finding a place to serve is not the issue. The issue is figuring out what God wants me to be doing in this very moment. 

In the past I’ve learned to not get too worried about this subject. Without fail, God has always brought people into our lives for us to serve and minister to. I have felt like my main responsibility has been  to be willing and ready. And that is where I’m at right now. Ok Lord, I’m willing and ready to do whatever you want me to do. In the meantime, I’m going to do the work that I already have in front of me which is to take care of my family. Make new friends with the people I am meeting. Go to church. Read my Bible. And music. For whatever reason, I have felt the urge to get back into music. And God has opened doors for me to be able to teach again. And to reconnect with my piano teacher. And be able to pay for lessons. And for those lessons to just happen to be close by and at a time when I can still manage school pick ups and drop offs. 

So yeah, it feels like I’m walking in the right direction. But guilt speaks loudly. Surely it’s not God’s will for me to be doing something I actually enjoy? Isn’t serving God supposed to just be painful sacrifice? 

I tell my older kids, when they ask the Million Dollar Question, How do I know God’s will for my life? I tell them, God has given you gifts and abilities and talents. Start using them. He gave them to you for a purpose. You aren’t going to go wrong doing the things that you were inherently made for. Don’t just sit waiting for some great epiphany. Get yourself moving using your gifts and then God can direct your steps as you move forward. 

So here I am, taking my own advice. 

Transition!

Hello all. LIfe has been flying by, so much going on since the last time I wrote. 

My kids are all back in school now. My teen who was away for the summer finally got home yesterday. My oldest who has spent the summer with us only has a week left here. Two of the kids’ sports have already started up again. My husband and I celebrated twenty-four years of marriage. And more! 

I have decided to take this year and explore the role of music in my life again. Right after high school I did two years of piano performance at a university, then took a year off and got married, had kids etc. I’ve taught piano lessons here and there as I’ve had time, but pregnancies and babies and later, foster kids, have all cut those short. Now I find myself in a place where all my kids are in school and I feasibly have some more time to do other things. So, I have five piano students starting this week and I started taking piano lessons for myself again. Trying to see if I can get myself back up to speed. 

I haven’t started teaching yet, but I’m excited about it. And I can say that I have thoroughly been enjoying my piano lessons. It feels good to be challenging myself again. 

By the way, I’m still sticking to a healthier diet and exercise plan. I’ve gone down two clothing sizes and I’m feeling a lot more energetic. Woohoo.

All of that to say, there has been a lot of transitioning going on in our household these past couple weeks. 

Transition is hard. We like our routines and knowing what to expect and when that suddenly disappears, it feels really stressful. Even if it’s moving to something good. I’ve been reminding myself of this as I deal with irritable children or I find myself getting overwhelmed by small things. 

We’re transitioning. We’re transitioning. It’s going to be ok. This will get better soon. 

Today in the Bible reading program I’m doing with my church (we all read the same scriptures in the Bible App and then we can comment and see each other’s comments), we read Psalm 131.

Verse 2 says, 

“But I have calmed and quieted my soul, like a weaned child with its mother; like a weaned child is my soul within me.”

My friend made a comment on this verse, pointing out that a weaned child has learned how to trust their mother. They now have confidence that their needs are going to be met. And this was my prayer this morning, that all of my children would have that same confidence in God. As they go through transitions and changes that they would be in a place of calm and peace. Yeah, everything is stressful and new and different, but God hasn’t changed. He’s still here helping me. I’m not alone. I can trust Him. It’s going to be ok.

Love in a Bag of Socks

Do you ever feel like the whole universe is against you, and everything that can go wrong is going wrong, and WHY ME?? And all that? And then, there is just this moment right in the middle when you suddenly realize that God is still in control and He still loves you, and it’s going to be ok.

 

My story begins with socks. Let’s talk about socks. 

 

Yesterday, Monday morning, as I’m trying to herd a bunch of kids out the door to school, the recurring theme I’m hearing from each child walking down the steps is, I’M OUT OF SOCKS!! I NEED SOCKS!! 

 

Oh no. I forgot to do laundry this Saturday and it sounds like the kids aren’t going to make it to my next laundry day on Tuesday. I direct all the kids to go hunt out my Odd Sock Basket and just find anything that will fit. And if they find some that are kind of the same color or style, that would be great. I mentally add to my TO DO list, wash socks tonight. Which kind of makes me shudder cause that means I will need to go and gather laundry from all the bedrooms upstairs and try and find socks and it’s going to be complicated. Also complicated is the fact that it is Monday, the one day I go to a homeschooling co-op and teach piano lessons and my little boys attend preschool. Andy and I are also supposed to meet some friends of ours at a restaurant this evening. Hmm. Sock washing is not going to be an easy task. 

 

The day is busy. I finish at co-op and then take my tired little boys to the eyeglass place to pick up some replacement glasses we’d ordered. While I’m at the eyeglass place I get a call from the school asking me to come for an emergency meeting. I load up my boys who are starting to get fussy now and we rush over to the school. Have the meeting, during which my three year old loses it completely and goes into full-meltdown mode. We quickly finish the meeting then I have to run out to the car with the screaming three year old and the four year old so we can get in the car and quickly get into the end of the car line to pick up the kids. Three year old has gone insane by this time and I am ignoring all looks from other parents while I bodily carry him to the car while he makes as much noise as possible. I am stepping off the curb and somehow mess it up completely and turn my ankle, almost dropping the screaming child. I am now standing there gasping in pain, trying not to swear too loudly, three year old is still screaming and I don’t know how I’m going to walk the rest of the way to the car. 

 

A teacher who was getting into her car witnesses the whole thing and she gets out of her car and grabs hold of the screaming child and helps me walk him to the car while I limp along. By the time I get to the car, the initial pain has worn off, and I can move my ankle around. Ok. This is going to be alright. I get in the car, buckle the writhing child (I don’t know what happened, I have never had this particular child meltdown in such a spectacular manner), and drive over to pick up my kids. 

 

The next couple hours are filled with talking to kids, dealing with some annoying mail, and trying to get supper cooked so I can feed the kids and go out with my husband. While I’m cooking supper I suddenly realize that I never washed the stupid socks. I ponder how expensive it would be to just go to the store and buy new socks. It seems like it might be the only solution. Ok, I don’t have time to think about this problem. I continue to limp along while I get the meal served. My ankle feels sore, but not enough to slow me down. 

 

We run out the door, just making it to the restaurant in time. I limp carefully to our booth, the ankle is noticeable, but still not bad. 

 

And then suddenly, it’s bad. I’m just sitting there quietly in my seat and my ankle announces it’s presence, loud and clear. I AM HERE, I AM HERE, I AM HERE. 

 

I shift in my seat, trying to find a better position. Nothing seems to be working. We chat and order our food. My face is starting to look strained, my husband asks what’s wrong. I whisper that my ankle is hurting. He lets me put my foot up in his lap. It doesn’t help. 

 

As the evening progresses, my pain level goes from a 2 to a full blown 10. We cut the evening short and my husband and the husband of the other couple help me hobble out of the restaurant. By now I am employing my lamaze-breathing methods to deal with the pain. I can’t wait to just get home and put my foot up with some ice. 

 

Unfortunately, elevating, icing, and dosing up with a bunch of ibuprofen does nothing to ease the pain. I’m now crying. 

 

You have to understand, I have an extremely high tolerance for pain. This is off the charts. 

 

My husband finally says, that’s it, I’m taking you to the hospital. And the whole time, I’m thinking, Why me? I have so much to do. I cannot afford to be out of commission. Everyone is depending on me. And I still haven’t washed the socks. And now I can’t even go to the store to buy socks. And all the kids will be going to school tomorrow sock-less. 

 

We pull up to the hospital and Andy gets out to find a wheelchair. He stops and I hear him open the trunk of the car. The trunk opens and closes and then he walks over to my door, opens the door and dumps a bag in my lap, then heads off again. I look at the bag, puzzled, and open it up. 

 

It’s full of socks. Kids’ socks. Different sizes. And I remember about a month ago, my husband telling me there was a bag of socks in his car, he didn’t know where they came from, did I want them? And I said yes, but never followed through and they had just been sitting in his car. 

 

I burst into tears. This time just because I’m feeling overwhelmed with love. 

 

It’s ok. God’s got this. He sees me. He knows. It’s love in a bag of socks. 

 

(P.S. Ankle isn’t broken, just a bad sprain, and I got a boot to help me hobble around.)

 

Everyone Needs a Manifesto

Today I have been focusing on piano. Piano teaching to be exact. In the fall I will be teaching piano lessons at our church’s homeschooling co-op which meets once a week. I will have four students this year. I had two students last year. I am slowly sticking my toe into the waters of Piano Teaching. My end goal is to teach lessons from my home when all my kids are in school, hopefully focusing on the home school crowd who have the flexibility to take lessons during the day instead of during after-school hours. We’ll see how it goes. In the meantime I am slowly feeling my way forward in the realm of teaching. I have been looking at all kinds of different piano teaching curriculum. Reading reviews. Watching tutorials. I am also brushing off my own piano books, starting to set some goals for myself in learning new pieces and brushing up on my music theory. 

As I’ve been doing all of this, it occurred to me that I should write a Piano Teacher’s Manifesto. Kind of a written statement of what my goals are for teaching piano. I’ve been jotting down different ideas today, trying to figure out what is important to me and what isn’t important to me. I think I can boil down my ideas into two key points. 1. I want to share the joy of music: expose kids to all kinds of music and hopefully pass on the wonder and delight I feel when I listen to music. 2. I want to make music accessible to them: give them the skills they need so that they can participate in music and also let them realize they can enjoy and participate in music no matter what skill level they are at. 

Once I have a manifesto then I have a measuring stick. When I consider different curriculum I can ask the question, Will this curriculum enable me to fulfill the goals of my manifesto? When I plan out my lessons and recitals I can always be making sure my methods line up with my goals. A manifesto is a very useful tool. 

It occurs to me that I should have manifestos for other areas in my life. Like parenting. What are my goals for parenting? Teach my children to know and love the God of the Bible.  Teach my children how to love and respect the people around them. Teach my children how to become responsible citizens. All the parenting methods I use, all the decisions I make should be lining up with those goals. 

How about a manifesto for my online presence? Something to regulate how I act on Facebook and my blog and anywhere else I might show up. How about: Be respectful and kind at all times, reflect character that is pleasing to God. If I was tech-savvy, I could somehow make a little window pop up every time I’m about to hit POST or COMMENT…Is this content Respectful and Kind and Pleasing to God? I would have to hit the YES button on the window before I could go ahead and hit enter. 

Ok, I’m on a roll now…How about a manifesto for my marriage? Let’s see. All my words and actions should have the purpose of encouraging and building up my spouse and promoting unity between us. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little voice reminding you of that manifesto every time you opened your mouth to speak..”Is this going to encourage him? Is this going to promote unity?” 

Anyway, I’m having fun with the whole idea of writing down my goals so that I have some direction when I need to make decisions. Maybe I’ll expand this to a House Cleaning Manifesto, Money Spending Manifesto, and Book Reading Manifesto!