Fantasy and Truth

When I was a kid, by the time I was in second grade I had become a full-fledged book worm. I read for entertainment, escape, and as a way to understand the world around me. Nowadays, as an adult, I go through different seasons of what I am reading and why. Escapism. A deep need to understand how different types of relationships work. A deep dive into how cultures and societies work. Exploring the ideas of what happens if humankind really messes everything up. 

Lately, I’ve really been into fantasy books and it has kind of been an exploration of what is God like and what do really good human relationships look like? 

Fantasy covers a large spectrum of writing. I’m choosy about which fantasy I read. The fantasy that I enjoy are the ones who simply use a fantasy world as a backdrop for their very human characters who have very human characteristics, weaknesses and strengths. The fantasy world allows those characters to have many wide and varied adventures, but in the end, the lessons they are learning, the personal growth they are going through, the conclusion they come to, they are all very human and normal. 

In the last year or so, I’ve found myself drawn to these books where usually one character has some kind of super-power. Magical, genetic mutation, gift given by the gods etc. Usually, these powers are on par with what I would expect my own God to be able to do. But, these powers are encased in a very human person. 

One example I’m thinking of is the character Aras in Rachel Neumeier’s “Tuyo” series. He is a sorcerer with many powers and abilities, but he is a good person. He wants good for people and he uses his powers to help, not hurt. One of his powers is that he can hear everyone’s thoughts. It’s not something he can turn off, and he actually finds it distracting and uncomfortable. But what is interesting is that this ability to invade everyone’s privacy leads him to compassion, not judgement. 

Whenever I run into a character that has god-like powers, I can’t help thinking about the real God and whether the insights from these characters could reveal anything about the One True God. I have to admit that knowing that God can hear every thought I think and that he knows my brain and emotions better than I do, sometimes I find that a little nervewracking. Oh shoot, You just heard that rather mean and horrible thought I just had. But, seeing this character in the book with the same powers and seeing how it leads him to compassion helps me to step back and think about God and then think about how many bible verses talk about his compassion and perhaps that’s how it works for God as well.  

There’s another character in Victoria Goddard’s “Hands of the Emperor” series, the Emperor, who also has a lot of different magical powers and he rules many worlds and he desires goodness and justice and good for each of his subjects. He is another character who is very human, but has god-like powers. But his journey is about seeking intimate friendships. And it makes me wonder what heaven will be like. Will we truly have a chance to intimately know Jesus, up close and personal, and what is that going to be like?? 

Not only do these books get my imagination going about what Jesus is like, but they also showcase all the possibilities of human relationships. In the Tuyo series we see a relationship between a father and his son that brings me to tears. Can family relationships really look like this? We see friends who step over the polite boundaries of social etiquette, and become truly irreplaceable in each other’s lives. We see employers and employees who somehow find the perfect balance of respect and camaraderie. And it sparks my imagination. Could the relationships in my life look like this? Does a path from here to there really exist? It makes me feel hopeful and gives me vision for what I want to achieve. 

Reading can be dangerous. There are books out there that expose you to just how evil humans are capable of being, that showcase just how dysfunctional you can let your relationships get. I think some exposure to that is good, because those books are also based in reality. But, I find life so much more hopeful when I read the books that focus on, what if we did things better? What if there is a way to help those around us? What if our relationships could be not only good but awesome? And then of course those characters that give you little glimpses of what all-powerful goodness and compassion can look like, and make you wonder, is this what Jesus is like? 

I will add that while you can learn a lot from all types of books, having the foundation of the Bible is kind of imperative. The Bible says Here is Truth. Fantasy novels have the ability to take some of that truth and say, ok, here’s how that would play out in this scenario. 

Reading, like any kind of activity, can go as deep as you take it. You can consume a comic book and just count it a quick distraction. Or you can think deeply about the story the comic book told you and think about what it teaches you about human nature and how does that line up with what the Bible tells us about human nature? And then you make conclusions and come away with a little more insight about the world around you, and maybe even a little more insight on how to live out your daily life. You can do the same with a tv show, a popular song on the radio, an interesting piece of art. God’s design and truth appear everywhere in the world around us, and if we’re looking for it, we’ll see it. I just especially love looking for it in a good book. And right now, a good fantasy book. 

Feeling Stingy

Friends, Romans, Countrymen! I am the proud owner of a new Chromebook! My children managed to break my last one and I have been computerless for a couple months. I borrowed my husband’s ipad a couple times, typed on my phone a couple times, but neither of those options is conducive to good writing flow. I’m so excited. It’s like getting a whole pile of new school supplies. You just feel like you should sit down and create something. 

Life has been roaring along. I’ve been going through a processing stage the last couple months. Looking closer, digging deeper, thinking long and hard. 

My daughter Ruth wrote some thoughts on her social media today that really lined up with an area I’ve been struggling with. Here are some conclusions I’ve come to. 

If I am being really really honest with myself, I don’t want God to extend the same level of mercy to others, especially others that I have problems with, as he does to me. 

For myself, I want God to have pity on me. Be understanding. Yes, you act this way because of these things that happened in your past, and it’s hard for you, and I’m just going to meet you where you are at and forgive you and help you to grow. And when you get to heaven, all the pain will be forgotten and you will step into paradise. 

Sounds good, right? 

But then I think about people that I don’t agree with. People that I think are approaching life wrong. People who have hurt me. People who are maybe promoting thoughts and ideas that I think are harmful. And if I’m really really honest, what I want is for God to confront them face-to-face and show them just how wrong they are. Maybe even rub their nose in it a bit. And then, he can forgive them, grudgingly, and they can take a lower role in heaven and just be grateful they made it, after making all those heinous mistakes. 

It’s taken a lot of deep digging to uncover this unpleasant truth about myself. And I am horrified that I am harboring these sentiments. And I want to change. I am desperately aware of how much grace and forgiveness that I need. And I thought that I was willing for everyone else to have access to that mercy as well. And, as long as I keep it fluffy and distant, I can wish that for everyone in the whole wide world. But, you start naming names, of people that really annoy you, people who have offended you, people who you vehemently disagree with, and suddenly, it’s a lot harder to feel that fluffy I-want-everyone-to-go-to-heaven feeling. Surely, some strong judgement is called for on occasion? 

A couple verses are coming to my mind right now. 

Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV): “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”

And, 

Mark 12: 29-31  “The most important one,” answered Jesus, “is this: ‘Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.  The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these.”

I can’t help thinking that loving your neighbor as yourself means that you want the same amount of grace and forgiveness poured out on them as you want for yourself. 

Now, I have realized this about myself, but that doesn’t mean I wish to stay here. It also doesn’t mean I can just see the problem and then wish it gone. I need heart change. It’s not something I can make happen on my own. But, I know that God can make this change in me.

I’ve been stuck in the book of John for months now. My favorite chapters are fourteen through seventeen. And one of the big themes in those chapters is about Remaining in Jesus. He is the Vine, we are the branches. Remain in him and he remains in us. And how do we remain in him? By loving the people around us. And we are given the Holy Spirit to help us in this endeavor. 

Today, I was thinking about “How do I get there from here?”  How do I heal? How do I have wholeness?  And how do I get to a place where I truly want the same amount of mercy for my fellow man that I want for myself? How do I truly love my neighbor as myself? What came to my mind was a picture of me leaning into worship and leaning into being in God’s presence. Focusing on Jesus and giving him thanks for all things and keeping my face turned towards him. The more time we spend with him, the more we can become like him. And so I ask Jesus to change my heart, let me understand his love on a deeper level so that I can love others on a deeper level. And truly want everything good for them. 

Lord Have Mercy

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with what I should write about. Should I write a diatribe against all the evils of the world? Should I write an exhortation to call the church back to its First Love? Should I write parenting advice? And then, I have to remind myself of what my blog is about. Life with Esther. I’m not an advice columnist. I’m not a theologian. I’m not a political voice. I’m just me. Living life, one step at a time and sharing that journey with you in hopes that you will be encouraged in your own journeys.

So, in an attempt to share life with you, I may touch on all those topics, but that’s not my main purpose.

I know a lot of my readers aren’t American. So, I will tell you that the fact that my country has gone to war in the Middle East is alarming and bewildering and mind-numbing. I feel so ignorant of all the ins and outs of what is happening on the world stage. I don’t trust my government to make wise decisions, and at the same time I have no idea what should be happening and not happening which makes me very unqualified to sit in any kind of judgement seat. And so I wake up every morning and read the headlines, feel a sense of horror, and then pray Lord have Mercy. I don’t know what else to do.

That is the backdrop to everyday life.

In everyday life I have just finished up a class called Journey to Freedom. It’s been a two month intensive class where we immerse ourselves in the gospel, pair up with a coach, and with our coach take an intense look at our lives, past and present, bringing all these things to God. I would almost say it’s like going through a really intense confessional experience. It was difficult and stirred up a lot of sediment that I really didn’t want to disturb. But it was a holy experience that really only worked for me because my coach that I was paired up with was an older woman I already knew and already respected and looked up to. She was a kind gentle witness to all of my life laid bare and I am extremely grateful for her. I’m still processing everything, but I do feel a deeper peace after going through the whole class.

As I have had an opportunity to do a close-up look at my own life, I find myself praying often, Lord have Mercy. I don’t know what else to pray. While sins can be confessed and repented of and many relationships can be healed and strengthened, some things are beyond our ability to fix and mend and rehabilitate.

I find that instead of focusing on how messed up things are, I have had to focus on how good God is. I am encouraged to know that the things that I have gone through, the bad choices I have made, the circumstances I couldn’t avoid, none of those things changes the character of God. I have faith to believe that God is worthy of praise, always.

The things that are happening in our world are not a surprise. God’s word has already told us that these things will happen. And his word also says that Jesus will return and these things will be made right. That is what I have to lean into.

I don’t know what the rest of my life is going to look like. I don’t know how history is going to unfold. I often don’t know how to pray except to ask that God have mercy. What I do know is that Jesus loves me and mercy is something he wants to give. He made a way for me and everyone else to be with him through his work on the Cross. He has sealed me with his Holy Spirit and has promised that I will spend eternity with Him. In the meantime, I have a mission. I have a mission to remain in Jesus’ love for me and to love the people who are around me. Sometimes, the only way I can do that is to pray God’s mercy over them. But, more often, I can invite people into my home. I can give to the poor. I can speak life and wisdom over my children. I can strive for humility in all my interactions with others. And I can keep my eyes focused on Jesus and rest in his mercy.

Blog Refresh

I’ve been writing this blog for quite a while now, but this past year I pulled back a lot on the personal blogs and have mostly just written about our free house. It was a needed break, and felt like something God-lead. Now I am feeling like it might be time to start writing again. A lot of things have changed since I first started this blog in 2018 and now I feel like I need to do a re-introduction. So here goes.

I am a missionary kid. I grew up in Eastern Kentucky, Haiti and bush Alaska. My husband is also a missionary kid who grew up in Nicaragua. When we first got married we spent some time in Alaska and Chile and then settled down in East Tennessee. We have ten kids. (And one daughter-in-law!) Four of our kids are adults and have left home and I am proud of them, and miss them a lot. I’ve got six kids left at home ranging from age nine to eighteen. Though we have homeschooled in the past, my kids are now all in school. I teach piano lessons and help teach choir at my younger children’s school. And then I keep the house running for eight people. 

I love reading. I am the quintessential bookworm, have been since I was in second grade. My husband also loves reading and we’ve managed to pass this down to most of our children. A cozy evening at our house often looks like a bunch of people sitting around on couches reading books. 

This past year our family was gifted the house next door. Turned out it was a hoarder house, so now we have slowly been cleaning it out. My husband works in the construction industry, so this is right up his alley. We look forward to eventually restoring the house and making it usable again, and posting updates about that project on this blog has been motivating for me. 

If you want to know the foundation blocks of who I am, I would say, I was a broken, lost person who has been rescued by Jesus. Every moment of my life has been an example of his grace and mercy. He has saved me from my desperate places, and has slowly but surely been leading me down a path that leads to life and wholeness and joy. There’s been a lot of bumps, holes, rocky places, dangerous cliffs etc, but I can say confidently, that Jesus’ hand has been on my life since I was conceived and he has held me fast and brought me through, and continues to bring me through every challenge, pain and danger that life has thrown at me. 

Walking with Jesus does not mean that you live a charmed life with minimal challenges. It rather means you live a victorious life as you have God himself walking with you through each hardship that comes your way. I have my own grocery list of challenges I deal with regularly. Anxiety and depression. Fear. Self-righteousness. Self-centeredness. Fear of rejection. I can look back and see how I have improved greatly in all these areas, but every once in a while one or more of these will make themselves center-stage in my life again and I have to put into practice the things I’ve already learned and also learn more about how to overcome in these areas. 

This blog is an invitation for you to come walk with me through everyday life and see up-close and personal what walking with Jesus looks like. The good, the bad, and the ugly. 

I look forward to connecting with you all again!

Extravagant Love

A couple weeks ago a friend of ours passed away. He is someone my husband and I have known since we first got married. He was in his 40s and died of cancer.

Over the years we met his mother, his ex-wife, and two of his brothers. Today, none of them are still living. He came from a background of extreme poverty, prostitution, drug addiction, homelessness, and petty crime. And in the middle of all that, he found Jesus. Got saved. Got baptized. Got into a church community.

We did life with him for a period of time and it was rough.

Some people have miraculous testimonies of how God freed them from addiction, turned their lives completely around, and they moved forward a completely different person.

Other people struggle their entire lives to overcome. Overcome addiction. Overcome abuse. Overcome the physical harm that comes with drugs and living a life of desperation.

When we were in the trenches with our friend, suffering some of those things you suffer when you are close to someone with an addiction, I remember crying out to God about the whole situation. “What are you doing God?” And he answered me very clearly. So clearly that I can still remember where I was, in my car, on the interstate, when he answered me. “I am showering him with extravagant love.”

Grace. Mercy. Compassion. Our thoughts are not God’s thoughts. How many times should I forgive my brother? Seven? No, seventy times seven.

How much does God love? When does he throw in the towel and say, Ok, you’ve screwed up one time too many, I’m done with you? He doesn’t. His love never fails. HIs love is extravagant, beyond measure.

Our friend passed away. He never hit that golden moment where society would say, ok, you’ve overcome completely so we will now call you worthy. His life was a struggle. But, he believed. No matter how small that faith looked, he believed. And he was loved by a God who gives generously, extravagantly. And I am pretty excited about the fact that he is now with Jesus and been completely healed and made whole. One day I will see him again and we will rejoice together at the extravagant, generous, abundant love of God.

O Taste and See

Today is one of those days when all the colors are brighter. The grass is greener, the sky is more blue, the wind seems sweeter. Everything is beautiful. 

I had to take my son to a doctor’s appointment first thing this morning. Then I had to come up with a menu and go grocery shopping. And then unload the car. And put everything away. And make sure everyone had food to eat. And chores got done. And had to order a new latch for the lid of my washing machine so it would start working again. And on and on, etc, etc. But, in between all the mundane tasks, I keep looking up and seeing trees covered in rustling green clothes, swaying in the wind. The bird singing extra loud. The clouds exceptionally white and fluffy. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

One of my boys went on a playdate this afternoon and the other one was feeling lonely so he asked if we could walk down to the park close to our house. I said sure and packed a little bag with a water bottle and a book to read, thinking I’d sit back and enjoy that while he played on the playground. But when we got there he was the only child there and it was obvious he wanted my attention. So I put the book away and made an effort to be present with him. We quickly abandoned the playground and went and walked around the man-made pond in the center of the park. There were geese and ducks and we spent a lot of time watching them and meandering around the pond. The park is not fancy, and the pond’s water is a bit scary, not something you would want to fall into. But, today the park was beautiful. And I cherished the time with my son. 

Days like today are gifts. Days where you can see. You can see how breath-taking this world is that we live in. You can see how precious the people around you are. You can see what a miracle and blessing our everyday lives are. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

There are so many worries and stresses in our lives. It is overwhelming. Tomorrow I will go back to worrying about all the minutiae of my life, the burdens my city bears, the fears and tragedies of the nations. Those haven’t gone away. And there is a time and a place to throw everything we have at those problems facing our world.  But right now, I just want to stay in this moment, where the world is a masterpiece, my children are the most wondrous of jewels, and I know that God is here, I can feel his presence in the breeze blowing across my face. And it’s that joy and peace that I need, so I can take them into tomorrow where all the troubles wait for me, and I can face them from a place of goodness. 

O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trusteth in him. Psalm 34:8

Where is the American Church?

My daughter is an Americorp volunteer. She just received news today that her program is shut down. Effective immediately. This week I heard that the CASA/GAL program is losing their funding. These are programs that help children in foster care who have suffered abuse or neglect. Another news item said that the suicide hotline for LGBTQ youth will be shut down. Federal funding that sent food to local food banks has disappeared. Programs that help poor people pay for housing and help the homeless get housing have had their funds reduced. 

This is all part of Making America Great Again. 

I read an article this past summer where some Christian Nationalist groups were interviewed and one man said it was not the business of the government to be doing charitable work, it was the work of the church, and if Trump got in power things would be fixed. 

So, if the government is not supposed to be involved in helping the poor, the needy, the sick, the homeless, and certainly not the strangers and aliens in our country, then, where is the American church? 

I’m not talking about the churches who are already working with the poor and the needy and the sick and the homeless. They’re already doing their job and are maxed out to what they can do. Where is the rest of the American church? All of these government funding cuts are affecting real people in real time. Right now there are people suffering hardship because of these funding cuts. So, what’s the plan? Who’s going to take over caring for these needs? 

The Bible is pretty radical in what it says about helping others in need. Here’s a tiny tiny sample: 

Luke 3:11  “John answered, “Anyone who has two shirts should share with the one who has none, and anyone who has food should do the same.”


Proverbs 31:8-9 “Open your mouth for the voiceless, for the rights of all who are destitute. Open your mouth and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.” 

Mathew 25:37-40 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’

Jesus desires humilty, grace, love, compassion. His followers seek the good of their neigbhors. We change the world by loving one person at a time. 

Where is the promised revolution where the American church will take care of charity so the government can turn its focus to whatever it’s thinking is more important? 

I am not worried about my daughter losing her funding for the work that she is doing. She is determined to serve and she will find a way to do so. But people like my daughter are kind of rare. And they can’t take care of everyone. I am waiting to hear about the flood of sermons preached in the Maga churches where the pastors will exhort their congregation to go out and get their hands dirty and help the needy in their immediate communities. Hey, guess what, the local food pantry is no longer being funded, let’s step up and fund them as a church. Hey, the program that helps homeless people achieve stability and housing just lost their funding. Send around the offering plate, let’s fund it. Hey, the foster care system is overflowing and they need foster parents, and lawyers, and volunteer workers, and open homes, and counselors, and doctors, and teachers and a whole other giant list of things, let’s make it happen. 

If I see the American church doing this on a large scale, and if this becomes our definition of Making America Great, then maybe there will be hope for us. 

And I pray, Lord have Mercy on Me, I have not done enough to help those in need. Lord have mercy on the American church, let us step up and obey your word. Lord have mercy on the downtrodden, the desperate, the needy. Change our hearts, soften our hearts, give us your compassion and love for those around us. Give us your eyes to see the value and beauty in the homeless person we drive by on our way to work. Break through our pride and apathy. Help us to lift our eyes up from our entertainment and see the suffering world around us. Give us vision and strategy to help our communities. Lord have mercy.

What do we do when we emphatically disagree?

Over the last weeks as a new administration has taken over the government, I have been struggling to write. 

In a country where half the population wanted our current President and half the population did not, it’s really difficult to find a middle line that is not offensive to someone. And as I see the lack of unity, the extreme division in all areas of our society, I don’t want to add fuel to the fire. 

As a Christian it is even more imperative that I do not sow division. Jesus does not categorize us into all the boxes that we like so much, Protestant, Catholic, Orthodox, Nondenominational. To him, we are simply his church, his bride. All the denominations. All the flavors. When I am upset at people in the church holding onto political stances that I strongly disagree with, I think of Romans 14:4:

Who are you to judge someone else’s servant? To their own master, servants stand or fall. And they will stand, for the Lord is able to make them stand.

So, what do we do when we emphatically disagree with the people around us? 

I know that I have had to give myself some time to cool down. And social media does not help with that. I’ve had to go through and snooze some people on my Facebook feed. Not because I don’t like them or that I’m opposed to seeing things from a perspective that I don’t agree with, but because I have not been in an emotional headspace to handle a different perspective. 

It’s hard to be calm and be at peace with others when your emotions are riled up. 

And maybe that’s what we all need right now. Everybody step back and take a deep breath. 

I’m also having to take time to put faces and stories to the opposite perspective. Instead of making blanket statements like, if you all disagree with this then you must be a bunch of idiots, maybe stop and think. Hmm. My friend Betty supports this other idea. She supports it because she is worried about x,y, and z, and the people that she trusts have told her that this is the answer to those problems that she is worried about. 

The next step is being able to have conversations with people who think differently. Calm conversations. Conversations where both sides show respect to each other and don’t belittle each other’s comments. 

I had a rather charged conversation with my son, who happens to think differently than me, and it got a bit too emotional. But we were able to stop. Reaffirm our respect for each other and our willingness to listen, and were able to proceed to have a good conversation where I was able to see his perspective and maybe he saw some of mine. 

It is hard to not see the political state of our country as the “main thing”. Surely this is the “main thing” I should be thinking about, studying about, worrying about, talking about. It does, after all, feel like a historical event, as things progress in ways they never have before. With half celebrating and half mourning. It’s really hard to not make this the “main thing”. 

But, if you are a follower of Jesus, it is not the main thing. Jesus was asked, what is the most important commandment,

Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’Matthew 22:37-39

I am challenging myself and anyone reading this to really focus on keeping this the main thing. Think about the words you say when you talk about politics. Are they in line with loving God with all your heart and loving your neighbor as yourself?  Perhaps there is righteous anger rushing through your veins. Perhaps you feel that other people’s political stances are causing them to walk away from the teachings of Jesus. It is possible to chastise someone without disrespecting them. It is possible to remind others that we are called to love all people, and it’s possible to do it in a way that instead of feeling stung and guilty, they feel convicted and moved to change. In order to do that, we usually have to remove our own anger first and be motivated by love, not vindictiveness. 

So, that’s what I’m working on these days.

God Actually Loves Your Enemy

Yesterday I was reading the book “Chosen A Study of Esther” by Donna Snow and I have to admit, the author managed to really surprise me. We had just covered the section in Esther where Haman, the guy who is determined to commit genocide against the Jews, gets caught out and is about to receive just punishment. Then Ms Snow had us look up verses like Ezekiel 33:11

Say to them, ‘As surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I take no pleasure in the death of the wicked, but rather that they turn from their ways and live. Turn! Turn from your evil ways! Why will you die, people of Israel?’

And 2 Peter 3:9

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

And Luke 15:7

I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

I can tell you honestly, that in all my years of reading the book of Esther, I have never stopped to think about God’s view of the wicked. His desire that the wicked would turn away from their evil and come to him. His longing for them to come to repentance. I think I’ve always just lived in that simplistic place where I presume someone is bad, deserving of punishment, and I just need to wait for God to hit the “smite” button. 

If you think too hard about it, then you might remember that verse in Romans 3:23,

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. 

And then realize that there is no difference between me and the most sinful person on earth. We are both deserving of punishment. And then at the same time remember that other verse, 

For God so loved the world [all people] that he gave his son that whosoever believeth in him shall not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

There’s been a lot going on in our country this month. We got a new president. He’s already done a lot of things that have people very divided in thought. Illegal immigrants  are a hot topic right now. Deportations. Who’s getting deported, who isn’t.  Why isn’t there a path to citizenship? Why should there be? Who deserves deportation and who doesn’t. And as usual, whenever something is controversial, people start posting memes and blanket statements and everyone gets riled up. 

As a Christian, I have a challenge. For those who profess Jesus as their Lord, I would challenge you to think about your words before posting or making public statements. I would challenge us to step back and remember that every single illegal immigrant in this country has a name, a story, and they have the eyes of God on them. And those eyes are full of love and compassion. 

I would say that when we speak harshly, rudely, disparagingly of any people, any demographic, anybody, we are not reflecting Jesus’ love and his heart for people. God is a God of mercy, he longs for each person in this world to turn to him and accept his love. Let’s not let our words and actions be a stumbling block that keep people away from God. 

Whether you think Trump is the devil or Jesus incarnate, if you profess to follow Jesus then people are watching you and your actions draw people to God or push them away. Jesus loves every single person on this earth, and he is merciful. Our words should always reflect this. Disparaging comments, disrespect, mocking, gloating, none of these things have a place in our walk with God. People who think differently from us are not our enemies. They are loved by God and our prayer needs to be that God will teach us how to love more deeply, more widely, more mercifully. 

I was shocked to be reminded that Haman also falls into the category of people that God wants to have mercy towards. Here’s some other people that fall into that category:

Israel

Hamas

Palestinians

LGBTQ

Democrats

Republicans

Black people

White people

Brown people

Poor people

People on Government Assistance

Illegal immigrants

Convicts

Homeless

Drug addicts

Politicians

Trump

Biden

Kamala Harris

People who carry guns

People who don’t carry guns

Vets

Pacificists

Let’s lift our eyes up off of all the chaos of this world and remember we are striving to be like Jesus. 

Swinging on the Pendulum

I have had a list of tasks slowly accumulating. All things that I don’t want to do and so I keep putting them off. Things like making a dentist appointment. Finding a new dentist for my kids. Calling a company about a bill. Deaing with insurance companies. Emailing someone. Calling my bank. 

My typical way of approaching these tasks is to ignore them as long as possible until the dread of facing consequences from not doing them outweighs the dread of actually doing them. 

And in the middle of all this inaction vs action, my brain keeps a tally. We did not do these things, take away points, we are obviously not worthy. We did things, add some points, we must be worthy! It’s an exhausting way to live and it’s something I’ve been struggling to break free of for years. The idea that we must somehow earn love and forgiveness and worth.  

Today, aside from doing things I didn’t want to do, I also did my reading from the book, “Chosen” by Donna Snow, a book I’m reading with a women’s Bible Study. It’s a study on Queen Esther, and it’s been enjoyable. Today’s topic was pride. Generally, Haman’s pride, but specifically, pride that we each deal with in our own lives. 

My mindset of earning my worth is all tied up in pride. I, because of all my good deeds, will be declared good enough. And when I’m having a bad day, I, with all my devastating failures, will never be declared good enough. 

Today, as I’ve swung back and forth on the pendulum of worthy and not worthy, I have heard the Holy Spirit asking me a question. Is what Jesus did on the cross enough? 

When I’m failing, feeling like a horrible parent, an inadequate wife, someone who is incapable of living a disciplined ordered life, is what Jesus did for me enough? Did his blood really cover all of my sins and wash me completely clean, or did it just take care of some of it? 

When I’m feeling like I’m on top of the world, accomplishing all the tasks, being superwoman, is what Jesus did on the cross enough? Do these things that I do make me more lovable, more saved, more righteous? 

I would say that the cure to pride is to take your eyes off of yourself and look instead at the one person who is worthy of all honor and glory. Jesus. He is the one who has declared us worthy, who sacrificed everything in order that we can be covered in his goodness. We can’t take away from what he did with our failures and we can’t add to what he did with our successes. Why am I worthy and loved? Because of Jesus. No other reason. Just Jesus.