Tag: James 1:2-4

Guarantees

Last Friday my husband texted me to say he was feeling sick, needed to come home and go to bed. 

Cue elevated heart rate. 

Ok. Come on home. Symptoms? Sore throat, headache, fever. Ok. It could be strep. We’ve had strep go through the house in the past month. Or…it could be covid. Ok, not going to go there till I have to. 

By the next day his sore throat wasn’t very bad but he was passed out with a fever. Ok. In strep, sore throat usually gets worse, not better. I went ahead and canceled everyone’s weekend plans and we started treating it like possible Covid. 

And I felt like I was back on the river in my canoe, rapids ahead. Get ready. Adrenaline pumping. High alert. 

I wasn’t able to get him tested till Monday, results came back positive. I’m starting to paddle fast now. Ok, we need to get groceries in, call all the schools, email them the test results, let’s get this laundry caught up. House needs to be clean. 

We need to be ready. Cause, I’m probably going to get sick too. And what if my teenagers get sick too? And what if my kids get sick and need to go to the doctor? And I’m looking at my husband passed out in bed, the sickest I’ve ever seen him, and I’m wondering how I’m going to keep taking care of my family while I am equally sick? Big rapids ahead. Get ready. 

In the middle of all this, my parents called, said, we’ve already had covid, we’re not going to get it again this soon, come to my house so we can help. 

It didn’t take very long to realize this was definitely the best option. Then we went into a full-blown quick retreat. Everyone pack! Take out the trash, wash up those dishes, clean up this mess, we’re heading to Grandmas. And I felt this urgency. I had a headache coming on and all I could think was, I’m going to be in bed sick very soon and I need to get my kids settled first. 

So, we all packed up in a very short amount of time and headed out the door. 

And I never got sick. And none of my kids got sick. But my adrenaline is still pumping as I watch my husband, still not sure how his recovery is going to play out. 

And I want guarantees. I want to know with certainty that all my loved ones will remain healthy and happy and cared for. I want to know that I’ll pray for healing, and healing will happen. I want to know that instead of going through the rapids, I can just say, let’s skip this part of the river, and I’ll be magically transported to another peaceful section of water where no giant rocks loom right under the surface, ready to upset my boat. 

But here I am. No guarantees. My boat is tipping all over the place. Actually,  I think I’ve already jumped out of the boat and am dragging it. 

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. James 1:2-4

I guess I do have a guarantee, that God is going to use every single thing that happens in my life to shape me into the person he wants me to be. 

But, I am looking forward to some calm waters, coming soon I hope. 

The Warrior Princess Revealed

This past Monday night my husband and I went and had dinner with some friends of ours. They are from Russia and eating at their house is a gastric delight. Miss Olga spoils us rotten. We have been meeting about once a month with these friends for quite a while now, part of a program our church is doing where older married couples pair up with younger married couples and do informal marriage counseling/support. While we have been married twenty years now, it is still a blessing to meet up with a couple that has been married twice as long as us and have a chance to just talk about relationship stuff. It has especially been a blessing for us,  as this couple has been willing to open up about themselves and their struggles and share their lives with us. 

We always end the evening in prayer and Yuri prayed something that really stood out to me. He was praying and he said, “Thank you Lord that they have been going through hardship and this hardship is drawing them closer to you.”

I had to agree with him. Yes Lord. Thank you. 

The past couple months have been a whirlwind for me as we have opened up our home to a group of siblings. It has been a steep learning curve for all of us as we get to know each other and try to mesh our families together. We have had a lot of crises. Min-crises and Major Crises. And while this has been stressful, I can see how we are all making progress and moving towards the goal of peace and health and wholeness for everyone involved. 

And throughout all of it, I have found myself leaning heavily on Jesus. God, I need wisdom, Right Now. Lord, I need patience Right Now. Jesus, I need grace, Right Now. 

I have found myself, Miss Lazy Herself, setting my alarm clock earlier so that I can have some time to read the Bible before I wake up the Herd. Often, the first thought in my head, as I wake up and think about all that has to be done, is simply, Jesus. I need you. Please help me. 

And the crazy thing is, I don’t feel like I’m coming from a place of desperation. I am not feeling like I need to run away or I just can’t handle this, or I wish all this would go away. No. It’s more of a Wow, this job is humongous and I happen to know that I am not fully qualified to do this job. And I feel like God has put me in this job, even though I’m not fully qualified, so I’m just going to have to trust that he’s going to provide everything I need to do what needs to be done. 

James 1: 2-4

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

I think for the first time in my life I can whole-heartedly agree with this scripture passage. Yes, thank you Lord for these trials of many kinds. Thank you for drawing me closer to you. Thank you for growing me as a person and not letting me stagnate in my safety zone. 

Safety-zones are great for a season. But they are a place of rest. Not a place of growth and adventure and triumph. 

There’s a book called “Captivating” by John and Stasi Eldredge. The book has an entire chapter that talks about how we, as women of God, are called to be Warrior Princesses. I love that chapter. I’m feeling it right now. I know my teens would get a hoot out of this, but right now I feel like Eowyn from Tolkien’s “The Return of the King”, sword drawn, giving a battle cry and rushing towards the enemy. 

So, yes, again.  Thank you Lord for these trials of many kinds. The Warrior Princess I never knew was there, has been revealed, and her strength comes from the Lord.