There’s No Such Thing as Privacy

Small children do not understand privacy or personal space. It’s just a fact of life, something you have to live with. One day, after getting sick and tired of being touched and pawed by little hands, I told my 5 yr old that I had a bubble around me. It was my “personal space bubble”. She wasn’t supposed to come into my bubble. She thought that was pretty cool. I thought it was cool that she understood what I was saying, until later, when I heard her tattling to me, “Mommy! She got into my bubble! And I told her not to!” I’m all about kids having personal space, but I’m not about to start policing people’s bubbles.

Anyway, personal space. I needed to jump into the shower. I instructed my 10 year old to watch the 18 month old while I was doing this. I went into my little bathroom that has a little walk-in shower and I locked the door. I did not want children barging in to use the bathroom while I was relaxing in my shower. A little later I hear my 3 yr old trying to talk to me through the bathroom door. I can’t tell what he’s saying but it sounds urgent. I yell for him to come into the bathroom so I can hear him. He tries the door, but of course it is locked. This is a small bathroom, so I just have to take one step out of the shower to unlock the door. Simple. I unlock the door, return to the shower, and tell him to come in. He opens the door and informs me through the privacy of my shower curtain that the honey container is not working. Hmmmph. This is obviously something urgent that required interrupting mom’s shower. Wait. Why is the 3 yr old trying to use the honey container??? I quickly inform him that he needs to ask his older brother to come and help him. Good. Case closed. Back to my shower. Suddenly the shower curtain is ripped open and the 18 month old, holding a biscuit in his hand, wearing a diaper, runs into the shower. AAAACKKK!!!! GET OUT!! GET OUT!!! I grab the small child and remove him from the shower, but he’s still in the bathroom. The 3yr old panics when he hears me yelling and slams the bathroom door shut, locking the 18 month old in with me. I’m yelling at the 3 yr old to open the bathroom door and get the baby out. (Side note: when talking to 3 yr olds, it is always wise to talk calmly and slowly, using simple commands so that they don’t get confused) (Other side note: I was not doing any of the above.) The 3 yr old cautiously opens the bathroom door and looks at me. By this time I have grabbed the shower curtain and wrapped it around me in an attempt at modesty while I try to shoo the baby out. But wait. The baby has rearranged his diaper in such a way that if he does his business it’s going to go all over the floor, not into the diaper. So, one hand holding a shower curtain to my chest, the other hand reaches over to rearrange the diaper and then push the baby out of the bathroom door. The door closes. I lock the door. Step back into the shower.

Yeah. There’s no such thing as privacy.