Tag: Kickoff App

Fat Fridays: NonDepressed Me Doesn’t Understand Depressed Me

Happy Fat Friday everyone. I’ve been gone a bit. Almost didn’t write today, but it’s stll Friday, I’ve still got a chance at this! 

This past month my exercise has diminished down to a brisk walk when it’s not too cold outside. I finally canceled my membership with the KICKOFF app that monitors your diet, gives you daily workouts and checks in with you every day. I canceled because I was no longer using the services and it’s too much money to just let it keep going when I’m not using it. I actually felt better when I canceled though. I know what I want to focus on with exercise and I feel like I can do it just using free resources. I also know that I need a different eating plan than what I was doing, so I’m still trying to figure out that one. 

What I wanted to write about today was the fact that Non-depressed Me has no understanding of Depressed Me. This past year as I was exercising and eating healthy, and the weight was coming off, and I was feeling great, I had these niggling memories. Memories of times in the past when I would lose weight, do well, and then somehow, it all came creeping back on. And I was always a little disappointed with that Old Esther who failed her diet and exercise plans so often. What was wrong with me? Why would I exchange this wonderful feeling of health and accomplishment for one of gluttany and sloth? I really had no idea why I had failed so often in the past. But I knew that, THIS TIME, I would accomplish my goals and stay on the path. 

And then Depressed Me showed up. And it was like someone took a big plank of wood and smacked me upside the head. And when I came to, Non-Depressed Me was gone, Depressed Me had taken up residence and I had the “AH HA!” moment when I remembered, very clearly, why I had failed so many times in the past. Depression. 

It sucks the life out of you. My emotions feel flat. My ambition is gone. Nothing is enjoyable. 

I am a bookworm, I have probably read close to a book a day since I was eight years old. This past month I have read one book. And it was one I’d read a million times before and I picked it because it had a happy ending with low-levels of crisis. I find myself zoning out with solitaire and flipping through Facebook and wishing I could find a book I actually wanted to read. I am still taking walks, but only when the weather gets at least into the 40s (F). We are having a cold winter (for us) and it’s no fun. 

These past couple days I have felt marginally better. I started writing my blog again. I’ve been sitting down at the piano, playing Bach. Angry Bach. Agitated Bach. But at least it’s been a good outlet for whatever is going on inside me. I’ve still managed to stay focused on getting the family to eat healthier. I have been baking our bread, about every two or three days, and that has been satisfying. Every week this month I have sat down and found new recipes for the week, made a menu, made a grocery list and tried to stick to it. It’s been cost effective and I’ve been making the kids eat new things which has made meal times more interesting for me, perhaps a little more stressful for them, but they’ve been doing pretty good with it. 

I also gave up paper plates. I’ve been using paper plates for my kids for several years. It meant that I only had to wash dishes once a day. Now I have to wash dishes two or three times a day, so I don’t know if I am actually saving anything, but it has been nice to have everyone eating off of pretty plates and my home has felt more homey. So, it’s not all negative. And I’m starting to try to have patience and compassion for Depressed-Me. Get to know this person again. See what diet and weight loss are going to look like while this alterego is hanging around. I’ll let you know how this goes. 

Fat Fridays: Taking My Pulse

Hey everyone. Hope your week has gone well. I’ve had a great week! We’ve been on vacation and it’s been a lot of fun. Now, my diet? It’s not going so great. 

When I was getting ready for this trip I was planning ahead, thinking about the KickOff App I’ve been using to keep track of everything I eat and get my daily exercises. Do I still need this? Do I still need this level of accountability? I knew on this trip it was going to be difficult to use the App. We don’t have good phone connection or wifi where we are staying so I knew that regularly logging my food throughout the day was going to be next to impossible. I finally decided that on this trip I would use the app to get my exercise, but I would hit pause on logging my food every day. 

That is not going so well. It has become very clear to me that, even though it’s been almost seven months of using this app, I still need a high level of accountability. Like, really need it.  My default eating habits are just Not Good. Which is kind of depressing. 

As usual, I have to fight the feeling of, Well, I messed up a bit, I might as well jump off the cliff and mess up a lot. You know what I mean? You eat one donut and think, that’s it, I’m off plan. Might as well eat the whole box of donuts. This is REALLY BAD THINKING. And I think that’s what I’m going to be working on during this vacation. Moderation!!

This time off has been a good chance to take my pulse, see how I’m doing. And I’ve figured out that I still need a high level of accountability. But at least I know what I need moving forward. 

Fat Fridays: Fitbit Charge 4

Fitbits. Anyone got one? 

Just before Mother’s Day my husband told me he wanted to buy me one, so go and do some research and tell me which one to get. Wow! Ok. I had never really thought about getting one so I knew absolutely nothing about them. I started to do some research and I found this article on google that gave top reasons for buying a Fitbit, and reasons you shouldn’t buy a Fitbit. It was helpful. The one thing that stood out was when they said You should NOT buy a Fitibit if you are relying on this device to motivate you to exercise. They said, if you are already motivated then it’s a good tool, but by itself, it doesn’t have the power to change you into someone who has the discipline to get up and exercise. 

Good point. I remember the days of thinking, Well, if I only had THIS product, or THIS exercise program, or THIS membership then I would get myself in shape. And it’s just not true. If you have the desire to start exercising and eat healthier, you don’t need any fancy gadgets to make it happen. You just make it happen with whatever you have. 

BUT, sometimes those gadgets are pretty fun and they DO make things easier!

So, just over a week ago I got a Fitbit Charge 4 and I am having a lot of fun with it. It tracks how many steps you take, your heart rate, how many stairs you climb, how many calories you burn (though I read an article that says it has about a .3 error rate, so you have to take off about a third of those calories to get a more accurate number).  It keeps track of how well you are sleeping, how much movement you are getting throughout the day, how many workouts you’ve done in a week. It also has exercise programs you can start so that it tracks your walk or your run, or your bike ride or other exercises and tells you how far, how fast, etc. It has a place to track weight loss and how much you drink and eat (though I haven’t bothered using those features since I’m already tracking what I eat on my personal trainer app). 

This past week I lost three pounds. And I think a lot of that might have been because I was moving more. The Fitbit has a goal that you get up and move nine times a day and it buzzes to give you a reminder. So, I’ve been getting up more to just walk around. It is also tracking your steps and as I’ve seen how close I am to getting 10,000 steps in a day, I’ve been motivated to just take a short walk around the neighborhood or walk around my yard in order to reach my 10,000 steps goal. And then, of course, losing three pounds is very motivating so that makes me want to move more too! 

So, my conclusion… If you are counting on a Fitbit to make you suddenly want to be a fit and active healthy person, I wouldn’t spend the money. But, if you are already on a journey in that direction, then a Fitbit is a great tool. 

I’m going to get off here now, it’s time to get moving! 

Fat Fridays: Cheerleaders

Today my exercise assignment from my trainer was to do some core exercises (crunches, planks etc) and then go and run/jog two miles. Already this week I have jog/walked twice, thirty minutes each time, but it was more walking than jogging and I didn’t have a distance I was aiming for, just a time frame. 

So, I did my core stuff and then headed for a nearby park that has a walking track loop. I have presumed that this loop is .25 miles. There aren’t any official signs that give you the exact distance, but it looks about the same size as other parks’ .25 mile walking tracks. 

Well, today I downloaded the “Map my Run” app and discovered that this loop is .27 miles. Not .25. And I just have to wonder…Why? Why would you do that? It would have been very simple to adjust the circle so it was only .25 miles! So, 8 laps around gave me a grand total of 2.1 miles, instead of 2. And when you are gasping for breath and flooding your brain with inspirational comments so that you will keep going, that .1 miles is a big deal! But I digress, back to my story…

So, I decided that I would run one lap, and then walk half a lap, then run a full lap, then walk half, etc, etc. This worked out pretty well for me as that half lap was just long enough to restore my breath and walk out some of the cramps in my legs. 

As I was gasping my way around the track, there was another woman walking in the opposite direction to me. She was an older black lady with brown circular glasses and a warm twinkle in her eye. The first time we passed, I nodded hello and smiled, she nodded back. The next time we passed, we made eye contact, but nothing else. Then the next time we passed we smiled again. (I live in the South. We interact with strangers. It’s kind of the expected thing to do.) We kept passing each other, and it didn’t take too long, I’m sure, for her to realize what a giant task this was for me to be jogging. The last time I passed her she grinned and said, “You’re doing great! Keep going!” I grinned and I felt my shoulders go back a bit and my legs got a bit stronger. It’s amazing what encouragement can do for a person. 

I was also encouraging myself the entire time. I had a little mantra going on in my head, in rhythm with my pounding feet and gasping breath, You can do it! You can do it! You can do it! Having a random stranger cheer me on was icing on the cake. 

I can’t imagine trying to do this weight loss journey without my cheering team. My family is my number one cheerleader. Of course, I kind of force them into it. Guess what! I lost 2 pounds!! Great mom! Good for you! I text my husband, Guess what! I just ran 2 miles! And then I expect him to say something positive and encouraging. I am shameless when it comes to eliciting positive comments from my family. But I need it, and they are willing to oblige. 

Any time we take on a hard task, it is significantly easier when there is a support team in the background, ready to cheer you and celebrate all your victories. I am thankful for all the encouragement that has come my way, and I hope that I can be an encouragement to others as they go on a weight loss journey too. So, just keep this in mind…You can do it! You’re doing great! I’m proud of you! 

Fat Fridays: Growth Mindset

This week has been a challenge on the dieting front. My son’s birthday was Monday and he requested Elidio’s pizza (local, family owned, amazing pizza) and Dunkin Donuts. I had to drive to Dunkin Donuts in the morning, which was when I had time, get two dozen assorted donuts and then have them sit in my house all day until after supper, and then supervise handing out two donuts per person. At supper I had eaten a big salad and decided I was going to allow myself to eat one piece of pizza. But then ended up eating a little more. And then I started handing out donuts, and by the time everyone had picked what they wanted, there was this little plain, unfrosted, baked donut. And so I ate it. And then there was one more glazed donut. And I ate that. And then I was really full. 

And felt very guilty. 

Uggh. 

I stuck to my plan though and recorded everything I ate and sent it to my trainer. And then we talked about it the next day. 

Whenever I mess up, my instant default thought pattern is, I’ve blown it, all is ruined now, despair, despair, despair. 

So, it was a little unnerving to have the trainer say stuff like, “Taking a break and eating pizza every once in a while is fine. How can you plan to have a treat in the future without over-doing it?” Like, she wanted me to actually just move on with life and try and learn for the next time…What kind of adulting is this??? 

It happened again today when I reported that last night, when meeting someone at a Mexican Restaurant, I ate more chips and salsa than I had originally planned on doing. Her attitude was, Ok, what strategies can we think of that will help you next time you are in the same situation? 

And I’m sitting over here telling my “failure and despair” voice to be quiet, cause I’m trying to hear this good advice someone is giving me. 

It occurred to me today that what my trainer is trying to do is inspire a Growth Mindset in me. 

I found this article that gave some good examples of what a growth mindset is. 

18 Fixed Mindset vs Growth Mindset Examples

The example that stood out to me was:

Fixed Mindset: Failure is the limit of my abilities.

Growth Mindset: Failure is just an opportunity to grow.

I definitely struggle with this. I fail at something and instantly feel like it’s GAME OVER. Which is especially unhelpful when you are on a weight loss journey. Yes, I’ve messed up. That doesn’t mean that I just throw the diet out the window and go back to my unhealthy ways. Instead, I can study my failure, figure out what went wrong, and make strategies for how to do better. 

The next family birthday (which is actually this Saturday), I plan on cooking myself a special treat (I’m thinking baked green plantain with just a touch of spray olive oil and salt and maybe some grilled chicken) and then I am going to have canned peaches while everyone else eats cake. (I happen to think canned peaches are a treat.) Next time I end up at a Mexican Restaurant, I’m just going to ask the waitress/waiter to not bring out chips or, better yet, I’m going to avoid Mexican Restaurants until my self-control is stronger. 

So, hurray for my trainer and all the new things she is teaching me!

Fat Fridays: Non Food Rewards

I am almost at the end of my fourth week of this new diet and exercise program. One of the first things I talked about during week one with my trainer was Non Food Rewards. I was explaining that on my nights off, or when I suddenly found myself with some alone time, my first instinct was to eat something special. It’s my night off, I’m going to go get some takeout! I just managed to get an hour to myself, I think I’ll eat some dessert! I just survived a really hard day, definitely deserve some chocolate! 

It is a pattern that is deeply ingrained in who I am. 

Obviously, eating every time you want to reward yourself is not a healthy pattern. It has led to one of my biggest problems, Comfort Eating. No, I’m not hungry, just bored, angry, uptight, tired….I think I’ll eat something. 

So, I have been trying to come up with some Non Food Rewards. It’s been hard. This is what I’ve come up with so far. 

Long Hot Showers

Buying New Exercise Clothes

Watching the Lord of the Ring Movies again.

Taking a walk solo around the neighborhood. 

I have thought about getting a foot soaking tub and sitting and soaking my feet, but that hasn’t happened yet. 

Reading a book (I don’t know if that counts though, I am always reading a book)

Sitting by my fire

I am just getting started on this list. I need more. 

In the meantime, I am also trying to tone down the food rewards. Like drinking a hot cup of tea or sucking on a sugar free hard candy, or munching on carrots and hummus instead of snack food. 

As a parent I am also realizing how I am training my kids to turn to food as a reward. It is such a big part of our culture. You did good today, have a piece of candy! It’s Friday night, let’s eat pizza and ice cream! You’re really sad, want to have a treat to cheer you up? I am not sure how to change this. I think I need a list of Go-To rewards for kids. And then I need to have it posted all over my house, because this is a deeply ingrained habit. 

Last week I lost another three pounds. Today I did thirty minutes on my elliptical, 40 seconds as fast as I could go, 20 seconds slow. I did not think I would make it thirty minutes, but I did! I am definitely seeing some positive changes. I am also noticing that I don’t have an urge to eat all the time like before. I eat, I get full, and then I don’t eat again till I feel hungry again. Yay! 

I’ll see you all next week! 

Fat Fridays Return

So, I just checked, and the last time I posted a Fat Friday was in September of 2019. It’s been a while. I’m pretty sure that it’s been that long since I’ve done anything concrete to tackle my weight problems. (For those of you that have joined since September of 2019, Fat Friday is my once-a-week blog devoted to all things “weight loss”.) A lot has happened during that time. I’m not going to beat myself up for putting weight loss on the back burner. But, I will celebrate that it is finally taking Center Stage again. 

Right now my main motivation for losing weight is health. I am prediabetic and my blood sugar hasn’t been great. I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve been tired all the time. No energy. And I really want to be healthy so I can do things with my family, especially hiking and camping, which our family enjoys doing. 

January of course is THE TIME to start a new diet or exercise program. I did not WANT to start a new diet or exercise progam, but I knew it was time. So, I got on the internet and started doing searches, and quite by accident found the KickOff App. You pay a monthly fee and are assigned a personal trainer/health coach. You get the app and then every day you log either by writing or by photo, all the food that you eat. Every day you are given a new workout to do that comes with detailed instructions, pictures, videos to show you how to do it. They also give you a daily menu of recipes you can make, but you don’t have to follow those. Your personal trainer texts you at least twice a day to talk about your food choices and see how things are going etc. 

They ask you a bunch of questions at the beginning to see what you are looking for as far as exercise and diet are concerned. They have different levels you can pay for (I’m doing the basic level which is $95/month) and they can help you with different goals besides weight loss. 

I am almost at the end of week three and I feel like it’s a great fit for me. I asked to do five workouts a week, and while each workout has been challenging, it has not been SO challenging that I’ve been overly sore or hurt myself. But, this week she upped how much I am doing and I can tell that I’m getting stronger. This is a new thing for me to be doing so much exercise, and I am enjoying it. It is helping with dealing with stress and I’m sleeping better, feeling a little more energy. 

The diet part has also been really good. I decided at the beginning that since I’m paying for this, I’m not going to cheat. I’m going to record EVERYTHING that I eat. If I feel like not being honest, then I might as well stop doing the program. So, imagine having to take a picture of everything that you eat and show it to someone everyday. Yeah. It’s a great motivator to not grab a handful of chips, or eat that One chocolate, or just eat that One package of cheese crackers. And over three weeks my food choices have gotten better and better and my serving sizes are slowly going down as well. 

Now, if you are looking for someone to dictate what you eat, and how much, and what kind, this probably is not a good fit for you. While they do offer a menu plan, my trainer has been willing to just offer daily suggestions based off of what I’m eating, like, maybe try brown rice or a sweet potato instead of white rice, or maybe next time, try to fill your plate half full of vegetables…This is a good fit for me because I’ve already spent years researching diet and nutrition. I already know what my body likes. Lots of lean protein. Lots of vegetables. Lots of berries. Whole grain carbs in small servings. Some fat, but not a ton. That works for me. (When I am actually trying to be healthy that is!) And having to keep track of everything I eat has really helped me get back to what my body likes and wants. 

I think the number one reason this program is a good fit for me is because it tells me what to do every day and then keeps me accountable. I thrive on that kind of system. Just give me a list, I love checking things off, and the knowledge that someone is looking at what I’m doing with some encouragement thrown in, I’m all set. 

Well, I’ll let you know how it’s going next week. 

Here’s a link to their website www.trainwithkickoff.com if you just want some info.

If you’re really interested in signing up you can click on this one to get to my trainer and give me a discount on my plan. 🙂

https://www.trainwithkickoff.com/coaches/ChelseaDenlinger?ref=5vfjoplbefx