Tag: weight loss

Fat Fridays: Non Food Rewards

I am almost at the end of my fourth week of this new diet and exercise program. One of the first things I talked about during week one with my trainer was Non Food Rewards. I was explaining that on my nights off, or when I suddenly found myself with some alone time, my first instinct was to eat something special. It’s my night off, I’m going to go get some takeout! I just managed to get an hour to myself, I think I’ll eat some dessert! I just survived a really hard day, definitely deserve some chocolate! 

It is a pattern that is deeply ingrained in who I am. 

Obviously, eating every time you want to reward yourself is not a healthy pattern. It has led to one of my biggest problems, Comfort Eating. No, I’m not hungry, just bored, angry, uptight, tired….I think I’ll eat something. 

So, I have been trying to come up with some Non Food Rewards. It’s been hard. This is what I’ve come up with so far. 

Long Hot Showers

Buying New Exercise Clothes

Watching the Lord of the Ring Movies again.

Taking a walk solo around the neighborhood. 

I have thought about getting a foot soaking tub and sitting and soaking my feet, but that hasn’t happened yet. 

Reading a book (I don’t know if that counts though, I am always reading a book)

Sitting by my fire

I am just getting started on this list. I need more. 

In the meantime, I am also trying to tone down the food rewards. Like drinking a hot cup of tea or sucking on a sugar free hard candy, or munching on carrots and hummus instead of snack food. 

As a parent I am also realizing how I am training my kids to turn to food as a reward. It is such a big part of our culture. You did good today, have a piece of candy! It’s Friday night, let’s eat pizza and ice cream! You’re really sad, want to have a treat to cheer you up? I am not sure how to change this. I think I need a list of Go-To rewards for kids. And then I need to have it posted all over my house, because this is a deeply ingrained habit. 

Last week I lost another three pounds. Today I did thirty minutes on my elliptical, 40 seconds as fast as I could go, 20 seconds slow. I did not think I would make it thirty minutes, but I did! I am definitely seeing some positive changes. I am also noticing that I don’t have an urge to eat all the time like before. I eat, I get full, and then I don’t eat again till I feel hungry again. Yay! 

I’ll see you all next week! 

Fat Fridays Return

So, I just checked, and the last time I posted a Fat Friday was in September of 2019. It’s been a while. I’m pretty sure that it’s been that long since I’ve done anything concrete to tackle my weight problems. (For those of you that have joined since September of 2019, Fat Friday is my once-a-week blog devoted to all things “weight loss”.) A lot has happened during that time. I’m not going to beat myself up for putting weight loss on the back burner. But, I will celebrate that it is finally taking Center Stage again. 

Right now my main motivation for losing weight is health. I am prediabetic and my blood sugar hasn’t been great. I haven’t been sleeping well. I’ve been tired all the time. No energy. And I really want to be healthy so I can do things with my family, especially hiking and camping, which our family enjoys doing. 

January of course is THE TIME to start a new diet or exercise program. I did not WANT to start a new diet or exercise progam, but I knew it was time. So, I got on the internet and started doing searches, and quite by accident found the KickOff App. You pay a monthly fee and are assigned a personal trainer/health coach. You get the app and then every day you log either by writing or by photo, all the food that you eat. Every day you are given a new workout to do that comes with detailed instructions, pictures, videos to show you how to do it. They also give you a daily menu of recipes you can make, but you don’t have to follow those. Your personal trainer texts you at least twice a day to talk about your food choices and see how things are going etc. 

They ask you a bunch of questions at the beginning to see what you are looking for as far as exercise and diet are concerned. They have different levels you can pay for (I’m doing the basic level which is $95/month) and they can help you with different goals besides weight loss. 

I am almost at the end of week three and I feel like it’s a great fit for me. I asked to do five workouts a week, and while each workout has been challenging, it has not been SO challenging that I’ve been overly sore or hurt myself. But, this week she upped how much I am doing and I can tell that I’m getting stronger. This is a new thing for me to be doing so much exercise, and I am enjoying it. It is helping with dealing with stress and I’m sleeping better, feeling a little more energy. 

The diet part has also been really good. I decided at the beginning that since I’m paying for this, I’m not going to cheat. I’m going to record EVERYTHING that I eat. If I feel like not being honest, then I might as well stop doing the program. So, imagine having to take a picture of everything that you eat and show it to someone everyday. Yeah. It’s a great motivator to not grab a handful of chips, or eat that One chocolate, or just eat that One package of cheese crackers. And over three weeks my food choices have gotten better and better and my serving sizes are slowly going down as well. 

Now, if you are looking for someone to dictate what you eat, and how much, and what kind, this probably is not a good fit for you. While they do offer a menu plan, my trainer has been willing to just offer daily suggestions based off of what I’m eating, like, maybe try brown rice or a sweet potato instead of white rice, or maybe next time, try to fill your plate half full of vegetables…This is a good fit for me because I’ve already spent years researching diet and nutrition. I already know what my body likes. Lots of lean protein. Lots of vegetables. Lots of berries. Whole grain carbs in small servings. Some fat, but not a ton. That works for me. (When I am actually trying to be healthy that is!) And having to keep track of everything I eat has really helped me get back to what my body likes and wants. 

I think the number one reason this program is a good fit for me is because it tells me what to do every day and then keeps me accountable. I thrive on that kind of system. Just give me a list, I love checking things off, and the knowledge that someone is looking at what I’m doing with some encouragement thrown in, I’m all set. 

Well, I’ll let you know how it’s going next week. 

Here’s a link to their website www.trainwithkickoff.com if you just want some info.

If you’re really interested in signing up you can click on this one to get to my trainer and give me a discount on my plan. 🙂

https://www.trainwithkickoff.com/coaches/ChelseaDenlinger?ref=5vfjoplbefx

New Year’s Resolutions, Uncertainty, and God’s Sovereignty

Christmas is over. Yesterday marked my last day of festivities. This morning I took my daughter to get her ears pierced, one of her Christmas presents. As of 12:27pm today, I was officially done with celebrating Christmas. As far as taking down Christmas ornaments and cleaning up the debris from all the celebrating, well that falls more into New Year’s activities. And I am getting all geared up for New Years. 

Without fail, every year, I get excited about New Years. Every single year I think, this is the year. This is the year I will lose weight. This is the year I will become more disciplined. This is the year I will grow exponentially in my spiritual disciplines. This is the Year!!

I start making plans. This is the diet I’m going to try. This is the exercise plan I will attempt. These are the Good Habits I’m going to start. These are the Bad Habits I’m going to get rid of. 

RIght now, I’m pretty convinced that starting Jan 5th, I will be waking up at 6 am every day, getting on my elliptical with a sun lamp pointed at my face, working hard for thirty minutes while I listen to scripture being read out loud from my Bible App. Then I will go eat a small breakfast of vegetables and rice and maybe some fish thrown in. (And all these things will lead to inner peace, weight loss and lots of energy.) 

Hey, a woman can dream right? 

Interestingly, I was reading “The Atlantic” magazine today (a stocking-stuffer from my husband!) and the very first pages had an advertisement/article whose headline said, “Uncertain about the future?” and then at the end of the article, also in big letters, “Make a Plan”. The article of course had scientific evidence of how uncertainty stresses us out, and making a plan alleviates a lot of that stress. I think this is a coping skill I have been using for a long time. Making plans always makes me feel better. 

Uncertainty may be why we always face a new year with lots of New Year’s Resolutions. We have no idea what the New Year is going to bring, so we cope with that uncertainty by making all kinds of plans that should bring us health and prosperity. Almost like a good luck charm. If I just do A, B, and C, then I am guaranteed a good year. 

In the end, I know that I will not follow all my “plans” perfectly. I’m still hopeful. But, I know I will mess up. And even if I do succeed it will be a series of ups and downs. I also know that I have no way of predicting what is going to happen in this upcoming year. We still have election uncertainties, covid, vaccines, shaky economies, schools opening and shutting, lots of shifting in the world governments and systems. I have no guarantees that this upcoming year will be better than the one we just weathered. And yet, I am feeling hopeful. 

We had a very good Christmas. We ended up with a lot of snow, which for many people in our area ended up causing a lot of trouble, but for us, it was just pretty white stuff on the ground. Everything went smoothly. No sickness. (We’ve had several Christmases where we’ve been hit with the stomach bug.) The kids enjoyed each other’s company. My oldest daughter has been able to be with us. Everyone liked their presents. I have felt like this time has been a gift from God. A gift of Peace and Joy. And I really don’t know if I’m getting this gift because it will be a good memory to hang on to when things get rough again, or if it’s just the beginning of a better year. Only God knows. But, it made me feel seen. Made me feel like God was watching out for me. Made me remember that God is still in control. I’m in his hands. 

In the end, we live in uncertain times. All humanity has always lived in uncertain times. And we can make all the plans we want, but we have no guarantees that those plans will come to fruition. Psalm 20 verse 7 says, 

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the LORD our God.” 

God has our future in his hands. The great drama of world history that is playing out before our eyes is also in his hands. And that is our true source of hope. For those who have put their trust in God, his hands are the safest place to be. 

Fat Fridays: Hope Renewed

Happy Friday everyone. I think this has been one of the longest weeks of my life. I am so glad that it is Friday! Earlier this week I wrote a short essay (not posted) on how hopeless I felt about weightloss. I talked about how Diet Programs, Weightloss systems, they all know about this hopelessness and they purposefully sell hope. Sure, you have never succeeded in the past, but that’s because you never knew about OUR BRAND NEW SYSTEM!! Just give us some money and we will give you a big dose of HOPE that You Too can conquer your weight problems! And you know, I’ve tried that too many times. I no longer fall for it. So, I was lamenting that our Hope is supposed to come from the Lord, but he didn’t seem to be dishing any out either. 

 

And then, after I wrote down all my angst, God flooded me with hope. 🙂 I suddenly felt like, Yes, I can do this. And I got a plan. I’m going to just tackle 10 pounds at a time. Anyone can lose 10 pounds right? And when I lose 10 pounds I’m going to reward myself with a Non-Food Reward. I started yesterday. I’m feeling excited. Cool weather is fast approaching and I need to get some new clothes. And I’m going to wait till I’ve lost this 10 pounds before I go shopping. And that sounds good to me and encouraging. I’ve made a deal with God. I realize that my weight problems stem from wrong ideas about food, it’s a heart issue. I am, unfortunately, unable to change my heart. So, I’m asking God to work on the heart side of it, and I will try to work on the physical -eat less, exercise more- side of it. Maybe I’ll fail again, but my little bit of hope is saying, yeah, but maybe you won’t fail this time. 

 

I’m kind of doing a relaxed version of Trim Healthy Mama which is all about low carb, high protein, and don’t mix your fats and carbs. Another words, if you eat fat then make sure you don’t eat any carbs at the same time. 

 

I started on October 3rd. So I’ll let you know how long it takes me to lose 10 pounds. And then we can all celebrate! And then I’ll move on to the next little goal. 

 

For anyone else feeling hopeless, may your hope be renewed! I’ll see you all later. 

 

 

Fat Fridays: You’ve Got to do Something

Hey everyone. I’m back. Kind of. This past Sunday at our church, our pastor gave a short video message from his home. He is currently recovering from a very serious medical ailment. In the video he was explaining what had happened to him, and lessons that God was teaching him through the experience. He related how he took a serious downturn, an ambulance was called, but he was still wavering on whether he should go to the hospital or not. He asked his grown daughter what he should do, and she said, “Well, you’ve got to do something!” 

 

That statement, along with a couple other things he said, really resonated with me. 

I’ve got to do something. 

 

I’m at a place where I no longer believe in my ability to overcome this weight once and for all. I no longer think that I can just find the right plan, get myself revved up enough, and then, Voila! I will lose all my weight. That fantasy has died. I have a horrible feeling that this is going to be a life-long struggle. 

 

But at the same time, I can’t give up. I’ve got some serious health problems. I’ve got to do something. 

 

And so, I try once again. One small step at a time. This week I have been working on cutting out sugar. I’m hoping to tackle eliminating wheat next week. One small step at a time. Heading towards a low-carb diet. I got on my elliptical a couple times too. It’s something. 

 

Approaching a diet without hope and energy is a different experience. I’m just feeling realistic. I need to make these changes for the sake of my health. I don’t know if it will produce dramatic weight loss. I’ll probably cheat on occasion. But, it’s something. Right now that’s all I can do. 

 

 

Fat Fridays: Confessions

Confession.

I am addicted to food. Not in the good way that everyone is, where you need food to keep you alive. No, I have a dependency on food to help me feel better when I’m stressed, or angry, or fidgety, or worried, or bored. I do not use food to keep me alive. I use food to alter my mood. In fact, the foods that I choose to alter my mood are slowly killing me. And I know this. And then life gets really stressful and I reach for the junk, the sugar and highly processed foods because, for a couple minutes, they make me feel better.

 

Confession.

 

I am not superwoman. I read all these accounts of men and women who have struggled with weight for years, and then one day, they just decide to stop. They exert their willpower and inner strength and somehow manage to completely alter their course in life. I keep thinking that I can be one of those people. I will exert my amazing will power. I will summon up my inner strength. I will take amazing Before and After pictures and wow the world with my amazing feat of weight loss. Look at me, I’m so amazing….Except that, I’m not. Amazing. The longest I’ve been able to exert my will power is about 9 months and then I give in to the old cravings and the old lifestyle and I’m back to square one. 

 

Confession.

 

I am not really smart and wise when it comes to health and nutrition. I keep thinking that I will just do enough research, read enough books, and then, Voila! I will know exactly what I should and shouldn’t eat. When I should and shouldn’t eat. What supplements I should take every day. I’ll figure out the exact perfect exercise plan and system. I’m smart. I just need to do a little research. In fact, I actually am as gullible as the next person, just as susceptible to the current trends as everyone else. I have read and heard so many different diets and health plans that my head is literally spinning. I have NO idea who is right. Keto, low-carb, vegan, calorie counting, low-fat, carb counting, portion control. Who knows? Gentle walking, brisk walking, interval training, yoga, pilates, weight lifting, all of the above. Who knows? 

 

Confession.

 

I am at the end of myself. I need to change. My weight keeps getting worse. My health is getting worse. My quality of life is getting worse. I do not want to stay in this place. And I don’t know how to get out of this place. I am thoroughly stuck. 

 

Conclusion.

 

I just went and read through the 12 Steps for AA. I don’t think I knew how wrapped up in God those steps are. 

 

  1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. 
  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. 4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. 
  4. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. 
  5. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. 
  6. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. 
  7. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all. 
  8. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. 
  9. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. 
  10. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out. 
  11. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs. 

 

Copyright  1952, 1953, 1981 by Alcoholics Anonymous Publishing (now known as Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.) All rights reserved. Rev. 8/16 

 

I think what I need is a meeting for food addicts. Do they exist? If they don’t, they should. 

 

Fat Fridays: Update

Hey Everyone,

So, I haven’t posted here in a while. I’m just going to give you a quick update. I’m not done with Fat Fridays. I plan to keep posting. But, I always want this site to be honest and upfront. And Honestly, I don’t feel like being honest and upfront with the world right now. I’m in full-blown retreat at the moment trying to figure out what is wrong with me and why can’t I just get on board with health and start making good changes and just lose this weight. What’s wrong with me?

Right now I have nothing to say.  And I don’t want to lie or keep on boring you with all my failures. So, I’m stopping for a little while until I can get my equilibrium back. I hope to be back soon.

Until then…

 

Fat Fridays Week 29: Determination with a Capital D

Hello everyone. How’s it going? Life is tripping along over here at a rapid pace. I can’t believe our summer break is almost over. Only a couple more weeks and my kids will be back in school. Looking back over this summer I can’t say that I made any major progress in the realm of weight loss and healthy living. But, on the other hand, I feel better about myself as a person. I also have not lost hope or sunk down into despair. I now have a better handle on what health issues I need to address right away. I am still feeling hopeful and positive. These are pretty good accomplishments for me as my default behavior has usually been self-hatred and despair which then lead to even worse eating habits. So, yay me!

 

This past week I looked for some inspiration on the good ol’ internet. I found a web page connected to People Magazine that had all kinds of weight loss success stories. People who had lost large amounts of weight and were keeping it off. I would say I read at least twenty of these stories, skimming through them quickly. I loved seeing the BEFORE and AFTER pictures, I don’t know why those are so inspiring, but they are. You see them and think, That could be me! I could do this! I’ve nailed the BEFORE picture, now I’ve just got to get that AFTER picture! I can do it too! 

 

As I skimmed through the articles, I was looking for common denominators. Which diet plan was making this happen? You might be interested to hear that there was no single diet plan that they were all following. I read about Keto, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, counting calories, low-carb, weightloss apps, accountability groups, exercise programs, weight loss competitions. Pretty much, any diet plan you’ve heard about was represented. Which made me realize that Diet Plan was not the common denominator. In fact, what they all had in common was that they all hit a place in their lives where they said, Enough. I’m going to do something. And then they practiced Determination. 

 

It’s all about Determination. Here’s a definition:

Determination: noun. Firmness of purpose, resoluteness. (Google Dictionary)

Here’s some of the synonyms for Determination:

Resolution, resolve, resoluteness, will power, strength of character, single-mindedness, sense of purpose, fixity of purpose, intentness, decision, steadfastness, perseverance, persistence, indefatigability, tenacity, staying power, strong mindedness, backbone, stubbornness, obstinacy, bravery, boldness, courage, pluck. 

 

Wow. What do you need to lose weight? Read through the list of synonyms. 

 

So, I know myself pretty well. I like to think that I have all that, but history has shown that actually, I don’t. I stand in awe of the men and women who have mustered their determination and conquered. They have somehow persisted and managed to lose the weight. I want to be that person. And I am determined that no matter how many times it takes for me to try and fail, I’m going to just pick myself back up and try again. And one day, I’m going to post my AFTER picture. 

 

Fat Fridays: Week 28 Death of a Dream

Today has been a bit of a shock for me. 

Yesterday I went to my yearly check-up at the doctor’s. I mentioned that my blood sugar problems seemed to be worsening. The doctor ordered me a new glucometer since I haven’t used one in two-and-half years: since I was pregnant and had gestational diabetes. She told me to check my fasting blood sugars a couple times and after I’ve eaten a couple times and if the numbers were high to give her a call. 

So this morning I obediently took my fasting blood sugar at 6am and it was 130. It’s supposed to be under 100. Not good. Not good at all. I ate a low-carb protein breakfast of eggs, cheese, and grated carrots. An hour later my reading was 149. Not good. I called the doctor and left a message with the nurse. I expect I’ll hear back from them in the next couple days. I know that one high reading does not make a diagnosis. In fact, the Mayo Clinic website says that TWO fastings over 126 make a diagnosis. I’m just thinking that if my body can do it once, there’s nothing stopping it from happening again. 

The specter of Type 2 Diabetes has been hanging over my head for eleven years. Way back when, I was pregnant with my 5th child and had gestational diabetes for the first time. The nutritionist, who wasn’t exactly the encouraging type, told me that I would probably have Type 2 Diabetes within the next five years. I did a lot of research, figured out the whole low-carb approach, and stuck diligently to a strict diet, checking my blood sugar regularly. My 6th pregnancy I had no diabetes. Had it for the 7th, not for the 8th or 9th then had it again for the 10th pregnancy. By then I knew my weight made a big difference in how my sugars were doing. But how to keep the weight off? 

Type 2 diabetes runs in my family. My grandfather was Mexican-American. According to a NCBI article, “Diabetes and Mexicans: Why the two are linked”  

Mexican Americans, the largest Hispanic/Latino subgroup in the United States, are more than twice as likely to have diabetes as non-Hispanic whites of similar age (13).

I know of a lot of cousins and aunts and uncles on that side of the family who have diabetes, my father included. So, it’s not like it’s a big surprise or anything. I considered myself “Pre-diabetic”. It’s one of the pressing reasons I have wanted to lose weight. But…to see those numbers this morning was a kind of death. Death of the dream that I would lose weight and get in shape before my genetics and the consequences of being overweight caught up with me. That somehow I would hold it off by becoming the picture of health. 

I basically feel like a failure. Not that I want to wallow in that, but still, I am mourning. 

What it means, of course, is that I need to make a new dream. New goals. Gird myself for battle. I am not going to lie down and just accept this. I have read story after story of people who had a Type 2 diagnosis and they lost their excess weight, adopted a different lifestyle and changed their numbers till they technically weren’t diabetic any more. I know it can be done. And I want to be one of those people that do it. 

Lord help me. 

 

Fat Fridays: Week 27 Esther Tries out Intermittent Fasting

Hello Internet Friends, hope you all are doing well! I have had an interesting week. This past weekend I finally came to that realization that my life was not going to get “normal” any time soon, the stress was not going to back off and if I was serious about my health, I needed to do something despite circumstances being crazy. I’ve been seeing all kinds of articles about Intermittent Fasting, and so I thought, Hey, that sounds like a good idea! Why not? It seemed to fit with my desire to hit the restart button on my diet plan, so I set a day and went for it. I ate supper and snacked a bit till about 8pm on Sunday night and then I didn’t eat again till Tuesday morning. A thirty-six hour fast. Aside from when I had morning sickness, I have never done that before.

I kept a diary throughout the day. It was kind of a way to keep myself from going crazy. An outlet of sorts. I’m not going to share it with you because basically, it was the same theme throughout the whole day. I’m hungry. I have a headache. This is totally not fair that I still have to grocery shop and cook for 16 other people while I am fasting. And then hit repeat. That was the sum of my diary. Except that by Monday night I was feeling so sick that I couldn’t journal any more. I went to bed around 8pm and every time I woke up in the night, I still felt bad. But, when I woke up Tuesday morning, it had passed. I really didn’t feel very hungry. I was up at 6:30 am and I sat and ate a bowl of blueberries. Then around 9am I started feeling really hungry and so I heated up a plate of leftovers from the amazing supper I had made the night before that I wasn’t able to eat. I thought that the day after fasting I would probably be gorging myself, but really, I didn’t eat. I think I ate less on Tuesday than I usually do. I didn’t feel like snacking and I was feeling full a lot faster.

I’ve been trying to do more research on fasting this week. I was really surprised that I had the discipline to fast. I didn’t think I could do it. And actually, it did get easier as the day went by. I would like to know more about this whole Intermittent Fasting thing. As I research though, I am running into the problem of everyone wanting to charge me money so I can read their “specialized” version of how to lose lots of weight while doing Intermittent Fasting. Uggh. I don’t have any extra money to be spending on this right now. That said, I was really excited today to find an email in my inbox today from a health site that I trust, sharing a link to a session with Dr. Jocker as he explained the “Top 7 Things that Sabotage a Fast”. I clicked on the link to watch this “free webinar”. Free! Yay! I watched about fifteen minutes, it was very fascinating and helpful. And then all my kids ran into the room where I was and there was no way it was going to get quiet enough to watch anything so I hit pause and figured I’d come back to it this evening when I actually had some time alone to watch it. Alas. When I tried to open the site again, my time had run out. I now was supposed to pay money to access the same information. But, hurray for YouTube. I found it over there and watched it, or at least skimmed through it, for free.

Apparently my big mistake in fasting was that I tried to do too much too soon. You’re supposed to work your way up to a longer fast. Start with twelve hours, then fourteen, then sixteen, etc.  I’m learning. I’m glad that I did a longer fast right away though, because I proved to myself that I could actually do it, and it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

For whatever reason, trying to stick to a separate diet as I take care of my family, and another family that is with us, is just too hard for me. But simply not eating for periods of time seems doable. I’ve dropped two pounds this week. It’s worth trying it out for a while.

So, that’s what I’m going to be doing this week. I’ll let you know how it goes next time.

See you later!